coworkers from hell

Reading through my last post I realized maybe I'm being to hard on these people... These people are normal right? I'll let you be the judge...

A girl who heats up 3 tortillas and dunks them in zesty onion ring sauce. The very same girl who likes to eat ranch straight from the bottle and microwaves salmon (like it needs to smell like a fucking fish sitting on the pavement for 3 weeks in July in our break room)... Tasty, perhaps.

An IT guy who likes to send out mass emails about who would play who in a sitcom and considers himself a comedian. It's so sad I don't want to recap all of the strange things he has said or done. Lest he somehow read this and slit his wrists immediately... I did not reply to that email, DON'T ENCOURAGE THESE PEOPLE!

An owner who spends more time checking his mail box then working. Oh and today I found out he has a tv in his office - he likes to watch the food network obsessively.... What a douche.

The director of payroll who loves cats more than life itself. She has a whole cubicle devoted to any sort of cat paraphernalia that you can imagine. She also has no children. And was creepy/over excited when I told her I didn't want them either... Was she justifying her choice through mine? Bet she regrets it. Cries about at night, he he he.

A woman who works in our commercial department who says nothing to no one, she barely makes eye contact. Just a brutal bitch whose built like a linebacker. Who always has the expression of smelling shit on her face. And shoves her huge feet into tiny sandals... Maybe that's why she's so cranky. Get bigger shoes.

A guy who works in the warehouse - whose front teeth rotted out from drinking too much mountain dew (I mean they were black and falling apart, gag) who recently got new fake teeth. And for some reason they whistle when he talks... Very attractive, but a big step up (even I'll admit that.)

A lady who works in the warehouse who also is obsessed with cats. To the point of having over 50 of them and living in a trailer. I swear to god I'm not making that up. Who smells constantly of cat pee and cigarettes... Please don't let me end up like that, I'll pull the trigger before that happens. Did I mention she's single. Sad.

An idiot who works in my department. She's 19 and knows nothing about the world. Oh and she loves to give her opinions at random and is a tad bit racist/homophobic/moronic. She annoys the ever living fuck out of me. I really don't know how I haven't murdered her yet... Oh yeah, I remember it's against the law. Hooker.

A hippie who will eat one bite of a piece of chocolate and then put it in a ziplock bag. So at any given time there will be about 10 bags filled with half eaten food in her desk. Oh and she has OCD. No joke. Everything in her desk has to be perfect. She's obsessed with the environment and her hippie ways.... I don't recycle just to fuck with her. Oh and I rearrange shit in her desk to just see her freak out. Once I changed the settings on her chair and she complained about it for 6 weeks. It was worth it!

Those are literally just a sampling of the crazies we have running around here. And you wonder why I'm a bitch, having to deal with these people on a daily basis. I'm surprised I haven't actually taken out that wing of toddlers yet... There's always next weekend....