a-bombs and assholes

I'm trying to work out how I feel about what he said to me at lunch today.

Having a hard time with it, here is a breakdown. Ignore the rambling.

Lunch today was interesting. We went to the Rail Station and it was kind of dead, thus no people listening at the table next to us. Twas awkward at first, when he came and got me he hugged me. No big deal, right? Except it lingered. I hate that shit. We made small talk on the way there. Bullshit stuff like the weather and plans for the weekend. After we ordered he talked about all of his plans to get his shit moved. Exciting stuff about storage rental and a moving van. (God, I'm boring myself!)

THEN HE DROPPED AN A-BOMB!

An atomic bomb, really now?

Sorry, The Office reference is how I explain my emotions.

Anyway, back to the A-Bomb. He said that he was probably going to be staying longer, more like a year. He originally said a few months, then that changed into 6 months. Now a year? His reasoning behind this was that instead of getting a new truck he was going to save up the down payment on a house! That's a huge step for him, especially when he decided to quit school with ONE SEMESTER before he graduates. DUMB FUCKING ASS.

I genuinely felt proud of him! Then he said something to the affect of when he gets he feels that he needs to have a commitment. Like maybe get married and have kids. I wasn't really sure if he was referring to me, but basically he said that he wants to settle down. He is almost 30, so I guess that makes sense.

Here's the kicker, even though I didn't ask if he was referring to me he still looked very thoughtful and hopeful. It sort of killed me inside! What is with guys?

I didn't get to talk about it with Satan. I need her therapy.

But being the bitch that I am, who called this shit! In my last post I was being sarcastic when I said that he would ask me to marry him. And I know that he didn't out and out ask, maybe he is referring to his high school sweet heart, Alice. Who knows? Maybe I just have a huge ego and assumed he was talking about me.

Only time will tell. FUCK MY LIFE!

P.S. I really didn't feel anything when I hugged him or kissed him goodbye. Will absense make the heart grow fonder? Probably not, but I will be in need of a new FB.

awkward interaction

Just got back from lunch, interesting. I'll post more later...

late night sobbing

I absolutely love it when you do a project for someone (which isn’t your job!) and it takes an hour to do and you print it out and they say “you don’t need to save it, I only need this one.” So you don’t save it and ten minutes later they come up and ask for another one. Seriously? You just told me not to save it, therefore I deleted it. But apparently in backwards land where you live that meant to save it. YOU BASTARD! I have no patience, it took me an hour the first time and now I have to redo it. Oh god, I can literally feel my blood boiling.

I’m taking a few minutes to write this before I even start because I might have a fit! I haven’t posted in a while and I feel like I’m slacking, especially when Satan tells me I am. So here it goes… I feel like music should accompany my rage. Something a little Sweeny Todd-ish. (In a falsetto voice “I feel you Joanna, I’ll steal you Joanna…)

I’m having one last get together with the guy I’m no longer seeing tomorrow. Should be interesting, my goal is to make him cry. Sick, sick person… I know. He’s coming to get me from work for a little lunch date, I hope to discuss how he needs to let go and leave me the hell alone. He probably is going to ask me to marry him, or some shizz. Needless to say I need to be looking hot tomorrow. Hair cute, cute outfit and makeup… Even though I know it can no longer go on, and I really don’t want him anymore, it’s still nice to show them what they’re missing. God, when will these games end? Never.

New developments in the boy department also, I don’t really want to talk about it too much but I may have met someone new. When I was talking about games a second ago I partly meant this. He’s the little brother of the guy I’m not seeings best friend. Does that make sense? Weird and he’s three years younger than me. It’s just strange, double standards would say go for it if I was a guy. But since I’m not I kinda feel whorish. Oh well, he is adorable and a really sweet guy. I don’t want to jinx it. Especially, if he is undercover for the asshole, but I doubt that… At least I hope that isn’t the case.

I watched Bridge to Terabethia last night. Traumatic shit. Oof. I was literally sitting up in the middle of my bed sobbing last night at 1:30 am. I really have issues, but why did she have to die? She was adorable, and seemed a lot more adventurous than biting it that way. But I’m a softie at heart, don’t let that get out. Sad movies and sad animal things make me cry like a baby. People dying or torture has become desensitized. But seeing a puppy get sick or die, oof. Shit is tragic! And yes, I know I have a fucked up sense of reality. Just one of my many charms!

Penelope opens this weekend. I am fucking AMPED! Nothing has come out that’s sparked an interest in a while. And James McCavoy doesn’t hurt either. Swoon, sigh!

It’s snowing something awful right now, I’m kind of dreading driving home. Hopefully that shit is cleared by the time I get off. I have road rage, and watching people drive slow and slide around enrages the shit out of me. It’s Minnesota all year, how do you forget how to drive in snow? I ask you. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Three and a half hours to go. It’s dragging on and on. Make it end. Ugh.

I’m excited for drinks and a movie tomorrow. I just hope that my lunch date isn’t dramatic and make me crabby in anyway. Because I can see myself saying fuck it and just sitting up there all night drinking instead. No! My goal is to go to that movie. Hopefully Satan can get of like an hour early so we have some time.

Alas, this post has to come to an end.

And now it’s time to say goodbye to all our company!

Oh god, (eye twitch) where the fuck did that come from?

selfish and romano rage

I’m quivering in rage and indignation right now. I hate my job. I hate the people. I hate them all. I must have an ulcer from the stress. Or something, I know with my flair for the dramatic and hypocondriacal tendencies I think that I’m dying most of the day, but today is different! Issue after issues has been dumped in my general direction, I barely had enough time to take a lunch break. I can’t understand how I am responsible for any of it. But somehow Sam’s got to pick up all the pieces…

A long time goal of mine since I’ve started working with SFC has been to make her cry. I know that sounds horrible, but VBP doesn’t care. Today it was accomplished. I love it. If she wouldn’t take her breaks without telling anyone I wouldn’t have a problem, but when I have to skip my break to cover her ass? Unacceptable! So I called her selfish, and she cried. Satan is correct, thin skin. It would take a hell of a lot more than “selfish!” to make me cry. Start out with my dysfunctional family history and go from there, even that doesn’t seem like it would work. VBP’s unite!

My weekend was ok… Saw the boys with Satan and Lucifer on Friday. Shouldn’t have driven home, VBP. Jesus. Saturday I went shopping with SF#1 and stayed home that night and watched Becoming Jane and Miss Potter. Basically Saturday was a wash because I had to watch the dog, I was rewarded handsomely for it though. I did enjoy the rage that Satan had for WiskeyDick that night though. Sunday I hung out with my Mom and did some shopping. Then I made dinner and it tasted like vomit. Fucking Romano cheese, should have used parmesan or mozzarella.

I have three hours to go, and my eye is twitching for realz. Wish me luck.

Oh and I ignored the guy I’m no longer seeing, like all weekend. Wouldn’t one take a hint by now? Lord.

growing up to do? ass

I’m sticking to my theory. If I didn’t have bad luck, I wouldn’t have any at all. I surprise myself sometimes with the profound and prolific shit I come up with. I should trademark that one. I want to make money off of it and retire on that someday.

So this morning was like any other. Except when I woke up at 8:30 in a panic because I realized today is Friday and I work early. My alarm was set for ten. I went to bed at 2:45. I can’t go to bed early lately to save my life. So anyway I laid there for a few minutes, because even though I only had 23 minutes to get ready I was already in procrastination mode. And really, who gives a shit?

I came in with the attitude that I was getting fired anyway. I do every Friday. It’s just how I roll. Besides that’s when they do it anyway, I know that if I’ve made it until 2 p.m. on a Friday I’ve lived to see another week. Great working environment, right?

Back to this morning, I finally deigned myself to get out of bed at 8:39. Stepped out of bed and I immediately fell when my foot got hooked in my purse strap. I went down hard too, timber! My Mom wanted to know why she heard me scream “No!!!! Fuck!!!!” this morning, one evil look and that shit was silenced.

After that I kind of resigned myself that today was going to be shit. I rushed around getting ready, no time for a shower. Greasy hair, gag! Ok, it’s not that bad actually. I couldn’t find any clean underwear so I said fuck it. Commando is the way to go. Forgot to heat up my car and ran out the door on time. I even remembered my Rockstar!

While driving to work going 70 MPH in a 55 MPH (as usual), I noticed lights in my mirror. Great! I was pulled over, he said I was driving recklessly and he noticed my vehicle is dangerous because my bumper is hanging off. Really jackass? Did you get that all by yourself? What a prick. No ticket though, I would be breathing fire if I got one.

I made it here for the day, only a minute late. Thinking that if I do get fired it would be the greatest day ever! That would mean I could go home and crawl back under my covers! But alas, it was not meant to be. At 10:30 my boss told me I would be up front all day (JOY!) and that she was leaving too. Hooker, I wanted to go home early.

This guy I work with, see Chinese children killing in a recent post for more info, has a girlfriend. I’m not so delusional that I think we we’re going to get married instantly, no I was thinking more this summer with only a small selection of people we actually like. See, I don’t go overboard on my delusions. Ok, back to reality. Anyway, she is hideous. I know I’m not a beauty queen or anything, but oh my lord! She looks like she’s about 40 and still dresses like a tween with the same attitude. A Monet, if you will. Now my opinion of him has dropped, how can I love someone who doesn’t love themselves? Sigh.

Last night the guy I’m no longer seeing and I did the required exchange. The here’s all of your shit and I want my shit back too type thing. It was awkward. I walked in and he was sitting in the living room sorting shit, he didn’t even say a word. Just pointed to his bedroom… ok weirdo! I walked back there and saw all of my crap in a neat little pile, threw everything in a bag and decided to high tail it out of there. When I walked by him he said “After all of this aren’t you going to give me a hug?” That led to awkward hugging and him trying to make out with me. I put the kibosh to that really quickly. I don’t want unresolved feelings floating out there. I can’t deal with that, I’m an emotional basket case right now, with or without him making me feel like I should tell him not to go.

But I was glad I didn’t, because that fucker had the nerve to talk about this singer we both like, ok maybe I shouldn’t even go into this but for some strange reason boys like to leave me with a parting gift of a song. A song that I will undoubtedly listen to and torture myself with for years to come. It’s happened before, it’ll happen again. I don’t get what I do that inspires boys to think of me when sad songs come on. I know I’m awesome, but you telling me that through poignant music isn’t cool. PEOPLE DON’T FORGET!

Sorry, tiger got out of the cage. Anyway, some of the lyrics include;

I’ve been down this road before
I walk out the door
Leave you on the floor
Sometimes you run and hide
You’re foolish prides
What keeps me from giving you more
So the best thing I can give to you
Is for me to go, leave you alone
Cause you’ve got growing up to do
Someday I’ll return when it’s time
For payment in kind
The church bells will chime
You’ll stand before me surrounded by lights
Dressed in white
You’ll throw flowers in the air, this night

‘You’ve Got Growin Up To Do’ Joshua Radin

Wow… Ok so I’m an immature bitch who will beg for your return and then you’ll marry me? I don’t think so buster. You’ll be sorry when I never talk to your dumb ass again, starting now. What an ass!

That’s all for now, still reeling about the last part. I’m up front all day, yay for me.

Hopefully this weekend will rock, Satan and I need to do group therapy. As she says “I want to drink until I can’t feel feelings!” Classic!

angry music and denial

Seeing as how I’m a baby killer, a coworker’s words not mine I thought I would mention one of my favorite songs. ‘Handcuffs’ by Brand New. It just popped onto my shuffle and I’m rocking along to the melodies. I love it, in fact I love their whole CD. It’s angry, sad, bitter, pissed off, inconsolable and pretty all at the same time.

Ugh, why whenever Lilly Allen comes on I skip it immediately I don’t know, she’s ok. But sometimes I just want to take her whole album off. Hooker. Sorry, inappropriate, she’s had some tough times recently. VBP.

Today some jackass decided to rear end a school bus, their field trip is fucked. Hee. I did have to wait for 15 minutes while people crawled by that because everyone had to take their time and gawk, fuckers. I had places to go, and as I said I was CRANKY AS SHIT.

It’s a good ending…

It’s slower than molasses at work today. I really was hoping that they’d let me go home early but I have to stay until 6 at least. I want to be in a prone position in pajamas watching TV. No energy, just can’t make myself care about anything.

It’s the illness, love being able to blame it on that.

Maybe I’ll say, “I had bronchitis last year so I have the right to be crabby and tired. Don’t judge me you baby raper!” That would shut someone up, wouldn’t it?

The guy I’m no longer seeing called me today, he wants to stop in and take me out to lunch. Yeah, let me think about that… NO. I’m done with it, it’s not fair to either of us. He is finally at the point where he doesn’t want commitment and I do. Yes, you read it here first. I want a boyfriend. Maybe it’s jealously. Fucking SF#2. She makes me want that. But to be honest, I’m not jealous of her. I’m still convinced there is something wrong with him.

VBP. Why am I so mean?

actually sick and 911

I had a nice post going earlier, it was a half page. Until I accidentally deleted it. Fucking computer! I would just redo it but I’m pressed for time so I’ll give you the condensed angrier version.

Friday movie and sushi with Satan.

Saturday IKEA with Mom and dinner/movie with SF#S (27 Dresses, again!).

Sunday movie with SF#1 (Spiderwick Chronicles) and put together my IKEA purchase. Fucking instructions!

Went to NowCare, found out I have acute bronchitis. Great! They said I would be irritable (that’s new how?), be fatigued and exhausted. Besides the fucking cough that might go away 2 weeks from now. Also I shouldn’t smoke or drink for the same amount of time. It might exhastrabate the symptoms. I don’t really see how drinking would do that but he assured me I really should lay off the sauce. Basically that fucks my life up for a while because I wanted to get hammed next weekend. I deserve it damn it!

SFB isn’t here today. Her tooth hurts. I’m enraged. I’m slowly beginning to realize that they are never going to fire her. In fact, in not so many words today I was told that I am her back up and I am here to do just that. Well, fuck you, fuck all of you then!

Career Builder here I come!

I just had one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had at work. Some stupid mother fucker called 911 three times and hung up. It’s a law that they have to send a patrol car out to investigate if that happens. So I called my boss and let her know. Why should I have to deal with that? What am I supposed to say to them? Is that in my job description? No. It’s not. She told me “YOU SHOULD JUST DEAL WITH THEM, I DON’T HAVE TIME I’M IN A MEETING!”

YOU’RE IN A MEETING? FUCK YOU!

That was literally the most uncomfortable 3 minutes of my life, they interrogated me. I feel faint or sick. I’m not sure. My health is not up to par to be dealing with these things! Didn’t I tell you that the doctor I saw said I would be easily irritated, fatigued and exhausted? I’m semi freaking out right now. I really didn’t enjoy that.

I’m on Career Builder right now. Let’s see what I can find…

loathing, blah and rage

I loathe Valentines Day.

I hate it so much that I seethe thinking about it.

I couldn’t bring myself to post yesterday because it would have been an extremely long rant containing many, many expletives. I spared you all from the rage that would have no doubt spewed from my fingers. Fucking martyr. What did he do that was so special?

I got to sit up front and watch all of the flowers be delivered to people who don’t deserve them. Because SFB thought she deserved the day off, and it angered me.

I was only jealous once. When a lady got a basket of cheese and wine, who do I have to fuck to get a cheese basket? No, seriously. Who? I want one.

Today is crap. Did I mention SFB needed today off also? Yeah, great for me! Also, my boss is letting everyone go home early. What is that all about? Why not just close down? We aren’t busy, obviously because I’m posting. Well, that’s a fib. I’d post no matter what. But I want to go home darn it! So I’m up front, looking busy.

I do remember one thing that was sparked by rage yesterday that I have to share in case I forget. I really have rage issues, and if one were to provoke me by being smug about their V-Day plans this is what I might say; “That cunt is rubbing her plans in my nose. I seriously want her to trip, fall and knock out her two front teeth. So badly that they can’t replace them and she talks whistle and can’t smile for the rest of her life!”

Karma is going to push me down a flight of stairs one day. Shit.

One hour & forty-seven minutes and counting. This weekend is going to be shit. I can tell. It’s going to be frigid again and I’m in jail. So I guess that’s ok. Tonight will be fun though. Satan and I are going to see ‘In Bruges’ and I have some other things planned. I just have to go to the dollar store to complete my geniusity.

I might go to IKEA and get a shelving unit. Exciting huh?

SF#2 and I are going to go out to eat on Saturday, which is if she doesn’t piss me off. Because I will yell at her, she is still on my list for the vacation fiasco.

I feel really random today, I’m in a mood and I think its translating to my post. I know that my posts are usually chock full of anger and rage but today I’m just blah. I just want to crawl under the covers and watch bad TV and eat shit.

Signing off. I can’t do this anymore today.

Ugh. One hour & forty-one minutes. I thought this would kill some time.

golden birthdays and atm's from hell

A guy I work with called me a PITA today. I had no idea what that meant so I let it go. Well, it means Pain – In – The – Ass. Rude! I like it though. It has a nice ring to it. And if you knew me you would know I live for abbreviation and acronyms. I love abbreviating. It’s an illness with no cure, don’t judge me. Oh and euphemisms! Or catch phrases. Once I get something in my head I run with it. Example… Pish. Made up word, but it works so well. And now instead of ish or ick or gross I use pish. And I use it a lot. Oof.

So my day was crap yesterday. I’m not sure anything else could have gone wrong, and I can’t jinx myself because it’s done. The ATM at my credit union ate my card and stopped working, just as it was about to hand out a large amount of money to me. Then while in panic mode my cell phone died as I was trying to cancel my card. It lasted all through the hate message I left for the credit union, but crapped out after that. I had to go to two gas stations to use the pay phone. Conveniently enough both were out of order, sweet. I got a terse call from my credit union this morning that pissed me off. I was upset. And your stupid fucking machine ate my card and didn’t give me my money. You alluding to the fact that the machine is down and will need a service call was unwarranted. Also I could give two shits, get a new machine you cheap fuckers! That shit never works.

Then when I finally get home I have to make 4 dozen cookies for my bosses birthday and taco dip. Awesome! Oh and while walking in I get a request to broil some pork chops. I’m sorry. Kind of busy now, but I can’t be mean to my father otherwise he yells and pouts. So after my cooking extravaganza and just generally being pissed the fuck off, I stubbed my toe. Like really, really hard. I cried for like 20 minutes. That shit hurt! Satan talked me down for a while which helped. Shit just got to me yesterday. I was yelled at by a homeless person for Christ’s sake!

Also, I was working out a plan to go to Seattle during Memorial Day weekend this year. Satan couldn’t go, so I asked SF#2. Big mistake… I didn’t really think I could put up with her shit for 6 days, but I was willing to try just so I wouldn’t have to go alone on my Golden Birthday Weekend. She originally was down for the tickets being somewhere in the $400 region. So yesterday when I found some that were in the $200 region I immediately called to see if I should book them. I got an “I didn’t know they were going to be that much, how many days do I have to take off again?” shtick. So before when they were more you were down and now suddenly they’re half that and you have a problem?

I’m guessing she and Josh are doing something else instead, and maybe she can’t take off a whole bunch of days or afford to take two vacations. Which is fine! I’m not an unreasonable person. I am pissed that you lied and said you would go. And now all of a sudden you don’t want to say why, but you can’t go, but we can talk about it on Saturday. I’m not slow like you hooker, I know when someone tells me we’ll talk about it later it means no! I wasn’t born yesterday, but thanks for fucking up my GBW. I’m pissed!

That happened about two hours before the ATM incident so my senses and emotions were kind of heightened. Looking back I might have freaked out on the credit union answering machine for no reason. No, scratch that, those fuckers are assholes!

I’m getting off early tonight. Superbad and cookies are calling me! I think it’s time to relax and veg out. I have to work early tomorrow anyway. Yes, I get to work up front all day on Valentines Day while people have flowers delivered. Great, nothing reminds me more that I don’t have a boyfriend or significant other than when I have to call people and say you have a delivery up front. Then I get to see they’re happy faces. And listen to them talk louder so others can hear about their delivery. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want a boyfriend. I’m not so good with commitment. I would rather be single. But on that hellish day I really don’t want it rubbed in my nose. By people I work with! That’s really low. I’m actually dreading it now!

I’m going to eat a cookie and then pretend to work for an hour and a half, wish me luck!

Update: I'm a VBP because the FedEx guy just came in and dug through the candy dish with his dirty fingers. And now I'm watching people eat the candy after him. Is it bad that I'm telling them to take a couple more? I'm not sure. But he was going to town for the 'white ones' that he likes. Pish!

hobo's and ho's

Adding to my plethora of nicknames, (to protect the innocent, of course!) I wanted to add SFC. Or Stupid Fucking Cunt, I know I already have a SFB but I think saving the Cunt for this girl is totally appropriate. Satan can back me up on this one; after all she called Satan orange once. Hooker! But this is what she did today that was even kind of shady for her low standards. She wants to sign my boss’s birthday card. Now you might be thinking that I am a Grade A Bitch for complaining about this, but the way she went about it pissed me off! When I asked her if she wanted to do something or contribute to the day we have planned (sherbet floats, taco dip & chips, cookies and awesome) she said “No, I’m going out of town this weekend for Valentines day with my boyfriend. I wont have any money to give. We’re going to Duluth to a bed and breakfast. I’m so excited!” I think it takes some sort of balls to refuse bringing or making something for your boss’s birthday, but to still ask to sign her card? I honestly don’t care if she signs it, but the way she refused was classic. Sorry I had to get that off my chest!

Today is dragging. The highlight of my day was yelling at a homeless person. I know that I’m a horrible person, I’m trying to change! Ok, that was another lie. I’m not trying to change. I really don’t care what people think of me. But today I was provoked. I did nothing to him; think he was a little unstable to begin with. To be fair he called me a fucking bitch more than once. All I alluded to was that his drinking made him lose his family. Is that so wrong? He even had a bottle in a paper bag near by. He didn’t really say much after I said that, I may have hit the nail with the hammer on that one. I think he might have said I was a bitch again but by that point I was halfway to my car. If I get off tonight and see him waiting by my car I will shit. I’m going to have to be more careful.

Controlling my anger is a goal of mine; I think I need calming words to recite as a mantra or something. Maybe Drinking, Shopping, & Fucking. Why do I feel like saying “Lions, tigers and bears, oh my!” Maybe that’d be a good one. I think I’ll have to think a little harder on this one. It has to be perfect to calm me down; I tend to stutter when I get angry. Oh and turn red. High blood pressure runs in my family. So does every other disease known to man, but we all have to die sometime, right?

Four hours to go; let’s see if I can make it. I still have to makes cookies and dip tonight. Why do I always get stuck doing most of the work? If I get fired on Friday I’m demanding a refund for the festivities. Fuckers!

i'm just here to observe and mock

I guess even my boredom/loneliness didn’t break the weekend streak. But don’t worry; I’ll definitely recap it for you. I’m sure you’re all just dying to know how I spent the weekend from hell. Sarcasm alert. Alarms going off. Release the hounds!

Friday:

I did end up going to see ‘In Bruges’ with SF#1. I loved that movie, I have to take Satan. The dark/racist humor is right up our alley. Also the gore, oof. If she doesn’t love it my name isn’t EL Diablo. Sorry, I got sidetracked. Anyway, before the movie we went out to eat. Surprise, surprise. She ate a house salad, fajitas, 2 strawberry lemonades and had room for popcorn & candy at the movie theatre. I was disgusted to say the least. I have learned a trick though to keep my gag reflex in check while she’s eating though. So that’s a plus. It wasn’t actually bad hanging out with her, because you don’t have to talk in the movie and the night didn’t last that long.

Saturday:

I went shopping with my Mom and she bought me things. I like when people buy me things. I got a new down comforter, new pillows and a new down coat. I raked it in. It was nice. I definitely have been using all of the new bedding. I love to sleep. (Wait isn’t that tantamount to admitting your depressed, hmm.) When we got home I decided to take a nice long nap and it was refreshing. When I finally got up at 5 p.m. I started calling and texting people to see if anyone would hang out with me. Not one person replied. Fucking fake friends! I consoled myself by renting movies and getting ice cream. It was an ok night by me, especially when I got a call at 2 a.m. from the guy I’m seeing. I don’t even have to allude to what we did.

Sunday:

I got home at 8 a.m. and went back to bed until 11 a.m. Then I was rudely awakened by my dog freaking out because my parents left him. Thanks guys! I dragged myself out of bed and went to Target with SF#1. She really has no friends to hang out with besides Dawn. Ok, wait. Who am I kidding? I spent too much money and went home to watch the movies I had rented that I never got to. Did laundry and went to bed.

Rereading those make me seem pathetic and sad. Rude, it’s true.

Moving on…

I may have left some things out, but one thing I wanted to mention is that Nel called me last night! Which is weird! Because, I didn’t think he had my number or that he liked me really… Every time we’ve hung out in the past he’s been a little bitch and sat there and talked about the good old days and inside jokes that he knows I wont get. I got the impression that he didn’t like me or he was jealous. Another Ben perhaps? Anyway, so he called me and was like “What are you doing right now? Want to go get something to eat and a drink?” WEIRD! He has a girlfriend, ok they aren’t on right now but still I thought he was heartbroken over her. Does he like me? Is this a test? I played it cool and said no, gave all the appropriate excuses and hung up. How fucking weird is that?

The guy I’m seeing said something funny/sad this weekend that I wanted to put on here so Satan could see it. He said that she and I “Get along like a house on fire!” and it’s so true. I love that expression!

I also said something this weekend that he laughed for about 10 minutes about. (Sorry to relay all of our quotes but we’re awesome god dammit!) When we were laying around on Saturday night he asked if I wanted to play a video game. I snarkly said “I’m just here to observe and mock, but thanks!” I’m such a bitch. I love it.

Want to know what’s uncomfortable as ass? When someone comes in and asks for a person, their not here then you give them a packet of info and they treat your desk like it’s theirs and go over the 40 pages in detail while you sit here and pretend to work while really you’re just writing your post. GO AWAY! YOU SMELL! THIS IS A BUSINESS. Not your office. Thank god, he finally left. That was 24 minutes of pure hell. Good lord, I’m spraying the Lysol. He smelled like cigarettes and a box of old assholes.

Well that’s about all. I really hope next weekend is better. I’m going out to eat with SF#2 and going to see a movie at the old theatre that I love. And hopefully Satan is open for an appointment because I miss her. Sigh.

God I’m pathetic.

at work with men in uniform

Since my beloved Satan is in Las Vegas this weekend, I figured I would chronicle my boring life without her. So when she gets back she’ll see just how sad I was without her. Not in a creepy way of course, but she and I know this. Today is probably the longest day ever at work. I’ve been here since 9:30 a.m. and this is the first chance I’ve had to post or even get on the internet. This whole working for a living thing might kill me. I want to check Perez so bad. Must control my urges…

Who are we kidding? I have no patience or presence of mind to not do something when I want it. I am a slave to instant gratification. I think we all are these days, if I can’t get it the same day or that instant I probably will not want it later. Unless it’s a book or CD that I can’t get at Target or Barnes and Noble, because their selections are lacking! I just want to get it now and fast, is that bad? Not all things though, double entendre alert.

Today has been hell. I’ve really had a hard time at work. I’ve kept a list of all of the things I’ve done to show my boss (new requirement) and it’s like 15 things deep so far and I still have 2 hours to go. Ugh. Seriously? Really now? Fuck my life.

Also today I’ve caught myself about 15 times reaching for my phone to text Satan about something that’s enraged me or something awesome. No dice. I will not bother her on her 4 day jail break from shitty Minne-snow-ta. Although I did have to tell her about this new guy at work, were destined for one another. I can just feel it.

Today he was walking back to his desk with coffee and dropped the thermos. Normally I wouldn’t have noticed but I heard him say these words “I want to kill the Chinese kid who made this shitty thermos! I thought their little fingers were supposed to make things with ease? Fuckers!” Literally the funniest thing ever! And no one was even really listening to him except me. I love him. (That and he is in the military and just came back in his uniform, I love a man in uniform! Boss me around and tell me what to do. Hot…)

Sigh. Swoon. Stare dreamily off into space.

Back to reality, sorry. Tonight I might go out with SF#1. I want to see the new Colin Farrell movie ‘In Bruges’ it looks good. I think the line that got me was “If I'd grown up on a farm and was retarded, Bruges might impress me, but I didn't, so it doesn't.” said by Colin Farrell. That shit cracks me up. Oof. Snarky. And we’re probably going to go out to eat because hanging out with her wouldn’t be complete without eating. She would have a shit fit.

Sigh. He just walked by again. This might be detrimental to my work habits.

Normally I don’t blog over the weekend, but since I’m probably not going to be doing anything. So don’t be surprised if I break down and post something about my terrible loneliness. Oh and my sad depressing existence. Am I being dramatic?

tantrums and hangover guide

I love when you get in for the day to work and people are salivating to tell you the gossip/tantrum you missed. Those are good days in my book. Today is going to be special. One of our IT guys freaked out on someone because they asked him more than once to do something, plausible. I would have been cranky too, but not when he asked him the first time last week and just reminded him again. Wow. I heard there was yelling that could be heard from the back of the building all the way up to reception. I’m bitter that I missed it. Oh well, another day another tantrum.

After careful deliberation I’ve decided to compile hangover guide chart. Not so much a chart as ratings and descriptions. Because I’m hungover today and I feel its necessary to relay the level of my pain. For future entries too, because I want you to feel it with me!

Stage 1 – Had about 4 or 5 drinks and woke up with a headache and a severe need for caffeine and food… Not that bad but thankful it isn’t worse is usually my reaction to this.

Stage 2 – Possibly had some very strong drinks and woke up to wanting to vomit your lungs out… Not a good way to start the day but doable to be functioning for the rest of the day, plus usually after I vomit I feel better anyway, not all the time though.

Stage 5 Clinger – The worst, wake up vomit and shit and pray for death to take you away. This is usually combined with the Gargoyle and or shitting out a kidney. I usually take these days off to contemplate my funeral and these nights are always filled with the statement “I’m never drinking again!” the next day, but I always do again.

Blackout – Just pray that when you wake up your clothes are still on and your vag doesn’t feel like you tripped and fell onto a hammer accidentally goring yourself. I personally haven’t felt like this but I know some girls who have. I have had a few mornings waking up wondering where my pants are but I don’t remember so much! That’s probably a really good thing.

Today is Stage 1. I had a few last night with our male counterparts Colin and Chris. And obviously they didn't care as much about us as we did them. Maybe they meet girls all the time that are just like them. We don't thus we can remember their names. I on the other hand am now Christina? WTF. Rude. Oh well, at least we have a new line "you know you have a dick!". Shit cracked me up... Joe is a tiny man who is indignant, and apparently had a lot of money. That's fine, buy me drinks. I'm a ok with that.

Satan called me today and left me the most rageful and hateful message about traffic. I was spinning in bed but that shit still make me cry laughing. I called her back and rambled on for about 4 min. I haven't gotten a reply yet but jesus. Lay off the sauce is what I need to do. Maybe that can be my new motto.

I also am shit tired today because when I got home last night I decided I needed to stay up until 4 am watching a movie. Oh and talk to the toxic trio. Well not all of them but Ian called me. And me being the dumb drunk whore that I am, I answered. And I was doing so well too. Fuck!

For some reason I told him I started blogging. He made fun of me and called it an internet diary. That enraged my shit up. Ass. Oh he also said he could find it and would read it because he know's my IP address. Good luck motherfucker! I haven't posted anything using my computer, just work ones. And yes, I know that I am a diligent hardworking member of my place of employment. But, if they can't figure it out then I don't really feel so bad.

Also I think that I have a crush on one of our customers. I had to call him at the beginning of week to let him know something about his order. I also had to schedule him on Tuesday and he was installed yesterday. Everytime I've had to talk to him he flirts with me so much that I have to end the conversations. He wont talk to anyone else either. He is frigging adorable. I wonder how old he is... Oh and he has a british accent... Yum...

So I wrote this today at work and before I could post it I got an email saying that I can no longer use the internet or make personal phone calls. Like I was in big trouble...

WANNA KNOW WHAT I THINK ABOUT THAT? FUCK YOU! I HAVEN'T WORKED IN OVER A YEAR. I FUCKING HATE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU. BASTARDS. THE RAGE THAT IS FLOWING THROUGH ME RIGHT NOW IS PALPABLE TO A HEART ATTACK. I should calm down. FUCKERS!!!!

GOD DAMN SON OF A BITCHES.

HEFFIER MOO COW FUCKING CUNT BITCH!

bid for attention

I don't even know what's wrong with me. I'm like craving attention today. I called the house like 4 times. Hi, I never call them! Unless I need to do let them know I'm not coming or home or something... I just wanted to talk to someone. I think I got a little bit too excited about the puppy thing though. I just need something to look forward to. I like even broke down and talked to SFB for like 15 min today. I just am dying. I want love, attention and a bag of chips if you have it. Maybe some water. Stopping now... I'm annoying myself. Ugh. I want to be laying in bed, not typing posts in secret at the front desk. Oh and today is the first day in a while that I haven't had to be up front all day since like last week! I don't know what to do with myself. I am so playing the I want to go home early card! I really do! This is killing me. I just want to sleep rockstar didn't work. Bummer.

puppies, teaspoon rage and moi

So last night was very eventful on my end. Even though I stayed home sick, yet a-fucking-gain! I think there might be something really wrong with me. And I know that I’m a hypochondriac, but shit I’m sick. IT WONT GO AWAY! Ugh.

When I got off early I wanted to run to Target to get a new pair or headphones for my iPod. I lost mine and they were broken anyway, point is I’m bitter. I don’t have $30 to drop on new ones. Fucking Apple! I just bought new ones a few months ago, I wont be buying theirs anymore. Hunks of junk!

But that was not possible because I checked my bank account and somehow I managed to spend all of my money this weekend. Stupid me… Plus I knew some things were going to be coming out today, so I panicked and went to my credit union to get some cash for my other checking account. I love running around at night trying not to get overdrafts.

When I got home I knew my body was not up to par. At first I thought I had a migraine or a bad headache. I knew it was worse than that when I was galloping to the bathroom to puke. Very attractive… but something was wrong. Have you ever heard the term “Gargoyle”? Well that’s what I did last night, but technically it was the reverse Gargoyle. To fill you in for the graphic details a Gargoyle is when you have to sit to shit and throw up in a trashcan in your lap. Very attractive! I on the other hand started in the reverse and had a moment of panic where I had to switch very quickly. I hate to be graphic but I need to get this out of my system, just like that needed to get out of my system last night. Oof. I then preceded to text everyone and tell them, I have no shame.

After that episode I decided to watch a movie and take it easy. I got through Meet the Robinsons and most of Pride and Prejudice when I received an interesting phone call. The guy I’m seeing called and broke the news that he’s moving. Ok. Since I’m kind of angry about this I’m just going to type the multitude of things running through my mind about this topic:

Him moving back in with his parents at the end of February… Of course he has been planning this since the end of December and waited until now to tell me.

Not wanting to pay rent so he can save up for a new truck… So he wants to move home so he can get a newer and nicer car. What an ass! I’d love to say that he’s trying to overcompensate for other things but he’s not. The prick!

Him not even sure he will move back to the cities or stay in Austin… Is that a threat on his part?

Him knowing for over two months and not telling me because he doesn’t want drama… Drama? Me dramatic? That’s a bit of a stretch don’t we think? Fucker!

Him getting fired from one of his jobs and not telling me… I guess I don’t care but I mean I would tell him things like that.

Him finishing his finals in March and not going back to finish school, again... What is wrong with him? He’s so close. He’s literally one semester away from getting his Bachelors. Dumb ass!

Me not even knowing where he works because I just want to fuck him… Ok, is that bad? I really don’t care where he works, when people ask me I kind of feel like a dumbass for having to guess. I just don’t care about his personal shit, it’s all about me.

Is that bad? I don’t want to know about his personal life… VBP.

Me being mad about it and not being able to say anything because I don’t have the right… I seriously can’t be mad at him and that pisses me off!

Him secretly wanting me to tell him to stay, that’s pretty obvious… I will not cave though!

Him being excited because he can hang out with his old friends all the time now… Good for your asshole, what do you want a medal?

Him rubbing that fact in my face because he says it’s a long drive… Yet again, is that a threat, because when you told me I was pretty resigned to the fact that we will no longer be fucking. I would never drive 2 hours for ass, I have standards.

So is he saying he wont make that drive back for me?... Jerkoff.

See I am just chocked full of emotions today. No, I do not have the emotional range of a teaspoon thank you very much!

Also last night my Dad said he wants to get another dog, so he had me look up puppies on the internet. He wants a Shorty (mini) Jack Russell Terrier. We already have a Jack Russell and he is my baby! But, of course the lure of a puppy is too much. I’m excited, but I’m not getting my hopes up too much because he’s done this to me before and pulled the rug out at the last second. I have to play this one cool; I’m acting like I’m not excited and doing my searches in secret. I will find one (which they’re kind of rare, shit!) find out all of the info on it and present it to him in a way he can’t refuse. Oof. Deep breaths! I just reread that and I sound like the Godfather of puppies… I’ve always thought Peety could use a little buddy and now it might come true. The only one who is not thrilled is my Mom. She doesn’t want another dog, or she does but not that kind. Tough fucking shit, I want a puppy god dammit!

I couldn’t even bring myself to post yesterday because I was too tired, but today I drank a rockstar and I’m feeling very Chatty Cathy! I just called the house to talk to my mom about the dog thing and she’s acting really weird. I don’t think she wants a dog. I can’t believe it; she wanted a new one like a month ago. Hmmph.

smelly jeans part duex

Random question... Have you ever gotten new jeans and worn them and they smell? Like really bad! I got some this weekend and I think I now have learned my lesson, wash twice before wearing otherwise you will smell like 'wet dog/I think I stepped in something' all day. Gag. Pish. Retch. Vomit. I know I posted today already but I can smell myself and it's not healthy to keep these things bottled away...

eulogies and drunken liars

I absolutely love my job. Sometimes, well not ever really but right at this moment in time I do. I’m eavesdropping on a conversation between the head of a department here and one of the owners of the company. Boring normally, today pure fucking genius! Right now he is apologizing for how drunk he got at our holiday party. I’m so pissed I missed it. Apparently from what I’ve gathered he got hammed and started yelling at people. Then he started taking his clothes off. AT A WORK PARTY? Hmm… Interesting very interesting indeed! From what I can hear there is a lot of groveling being done and a bit of begging. Oh shit, now I just heard him say he thinks someone put something in his drink. Just man up buddy, admit that when you get hammed you’re a prick. To be honest he looks like the type. This is just fucking classic. I wish I was in that room right now. Ah, to be a fly on the wall. Someday maybe…


So SFB has a sore throat, guess who gets to be up front all day? Yay. Can you hear the excitement in my voice? I’m hoping they just fire her ass and that way I have a little more job security. Yeah I would have to be up front officially but I’m ok with that. At least then I would have a definite position not just a floating from here to there type thing. I’m just sick of this shit. I want to punch her in the throat.

This weekend was interesting. I met my newly purchased Aunt for the first time. That was surreal. I really don’t know what to say other than the fact that it was hands down one of the most awkward things I’ve had to endure. I don’t even feel ready to talk about it. So maybe someday in the future I will recap what I now call The Night of Terror 08’ in my mind to you all. But, give me time to heal.

Other than that my weekend was ok. I tried to hang out with everyone Satan, SF#1 & 2, and the guy I’m seeing. He didn’t work out though, dickhead. SF#1 updated her tattoo. SF#2 is a shit navigator and makes horrible conversation. And Satan, well I miss her. I don’t get to hang out with her enough. And she’s leaving me for Las Vegas this week. Cue the tears and dramatics. Hooker! I hope you have fun without me! Sorry. It’s not bitter or angry talking, its sadness. She will be missed.

Dramatic much, she’s only going for 4 days. Point is what the hell am I supposed to do this weekend? I’m not even in jail this weekend. Sniff!

Rereading over that it felt like a eulogy. And I’m not a very good eugoogilizer. Sorry, if you haven’t seen Zoolander you don’t know the funny behind that word.

Well, I better get back to work. All I’ve done today is blog and read someone else’s blog. Oh and put a stamp on an envelope, and check my email. I’m very dedicated to my work.

dreams and creepy illustrations

I cannot even try to tell you the depths of my rage today. I have to be up front all day again. Wait for it… Because she needs to go back to the dealership where she bought her car because it’s acting funny! Motherfucking eh! More car related issues? Sweet mother of God, my eye is twitching as I type this.

Today, I threw out all of the drawings that the other girl has done of me. It was very liberating! Ok, who is tired of me alluding to her but never giving her a name? Me! So from now on her new name is Stupid Fucking Bitch or SFB for short. That has a nice ring to it… Anyway, she had about 20 little drawings of me. None of them actually looked like me, but they creeped me out none the less. Why in the hell would you draw pictures of your co-workers, cut them out, and tape them in a communal drawer posed in odd positions? When would that ever pop into your mind as being a good idea? NEVER! Knock that shit off. Creepy ass!

I also forgot my cell phone at home today. Oh lord. I’m having a conniption just thinking of all the texts I’m probably not missing. No one loves me anyway, but I still feel nakey without my beloved hunk of brain cancer causing plastic and metal. I miss thee…

To take the rage off of I figured I’d post about the crazy dream I had last night. It was a really long one. Normally if their good I wake up right away. But for some reason this one went on and on. This is going to be long and rambling so if you don’t like Perez Hilton or Hannah Montana I suggest you stop reading now.

It started out with me and Satan going to California. We were going to this famous pizza place and on the way we passed a bar were Perez Hilton was. We saw him in the window and automatically went in to gush. He took an immediate liking to us (who wouldn’t?) and invited us out to party with him that night. We had just arrived in California so we didn’t have a hotel yet. After we exchanged numbers and he promised to call as soon as he figured out where he was going we left to find a hotel. The first one we went to was very high buck and snooty. We said no thanks and went to the one next door. They were nice but they were full. Dejected we went further down the block to another one, they only had singles available and we couldn’t afford two singles. So on we went. Further down we found an old Disney hotel that had been converted into a Hannah Montana Hotel. Satan was thrilled. I on the other hand didn’t really care so much, but they had rooms available so we booked one. The thing about the hotel is that you had to ride a boat to get to your room. I guess it used to be a waterpark themed hotel before they converted it into a pink palace. Satan got sea sick, but thankfully we made it to our room. When we got there and started getting ready for our night out. By the end of 4 hours of us primping we were ready and raring to go. Perez called and said he had a car service picking him up and that he would just swing by to get us. We told him where we were staying and he was like oh my God I have always wanted to go there. Naturally he wanted to drop his plans and just hang out at our hotel but we talked him out of that and that we could come back later. He picked us up and we went to this really weird night club were everything was spoken in riddles. He said the waiters were adorable but they gave him a headache with the riddles so we continued onto the next bar. At the next bar we were in the VIP section trying to get the waitress to notice us and get us drinks and having no luck. I marched up to the bar and demanded drinks. Perez was so impressed he decided to hire us as reporters for his website. After a night filled with drinking and talking shit he dropped us off at our Hannah Montana Hotel. We were exhausted, but not enough to not call home and say see ya suckers we’re Californians now. Jerk faces! Yes, we even said that to our parents. They were cheap and uncaring anyway.

That’s when I when I woke up. It was strange, random and fulfilling all at the same time. I love Perez… Sigh.

Tonight I am supposed to go out to dinner with SF#2. The Loring Pasta Bar in Uptown. Never been, it’ll be the first time I’ve seen her in over a month. Me thinks it will be strange. But I’m always up for an adventure. And pasta is never a bad decision.

SF#1 text me last night and said that she got a new tattoo. Oh and she wants to hang out this weekend. Ok. Weird. I don’t really talk to her anymore so what are we going to talk about? I guess if it actually happens, and she doesn’t flake out on me we’ll just cross that bridge. I bet she updated her shitty Shitney fairy. Or covered it. I hope it’s the latter.

That’s all I’ve got for now. I’ve got like 4 hours left of work and I really don’t want to be her but cest la vie.

Over and out.