therapy

I am a funny SOB. I was going through my phone today, because I’m at work. And what do you think happens when I’m at work? I have the tendency to become bored. Here are the texts that I sent Satan. I for some reason find them HILARIOUS!

Sick in the face, I know, I know.

First Middle Last (Satan*)! This just wont do! You can’t lose your phone every time you get hammed! It really cramps my style. I can’t call or text you. We’re fighting. – I was upset, thus I give myself needy exemption.

LMAO I just called some lady and before she said hello she yelled ‘only animals lick their privates in public Jamie!’ Now what I want to know is if her kid was licking his privates? Gag. – I almost lost it on that call. Tears rolling.

Deep breathing. Meditation. Oh who am I kidding? Throttle the bitch! Go for the eyes! They’re the groin of the face! – I’m a special kid.

Someone turned off the light in the bathroom, and when I yelled they shut the door. I’m peeing in the dark. Sweet. – Sarcasm. I still don’t know who did it.

I really hate everyone here! I have glitter all over me. Fucking conniption is what I’m going to have. Stupid SFB* I hate her and her glittery shirt. I am going to shit! – My eye was twitching. I have issues, clearly.

Tell her that her ass is particularly fat today. – I’m mean, and I’ll never change.

I forgot to save the one about bat wings vs. chicken wings that Satan sent. It made me giggle. She is a riot. We’re fucking hilarious. I need constant reaffirmation.

Ian called me and I guess Josh got into a really bad car accident. I’m not freaking out until I know more. I am kind of freaking out though because no one is answering my calls. I left him and John a voicemail. Hopefully, I’ll get a call back soon. It worries me that he called my house to get my new cell phone number. That makes me think it’s bad.

If you couldn’t tell by now this post is to keep my mind off of it. There is nothing I can do from here, I will fly down there if they need me. I don’t care what’s happened in the past I would never turn my back on a friend. Even if we haven’t talked in a while and I’ve found some things out that I don’t like. This blog is so therapy. It’s money.

Ok, I’m signing off now. I have to work. That’ll keep me occupied.