fa - yunny texts

All you do is touch yourself and eat fruit. Fuck you! - a classic really, and great to add any conversation. Add it and watch it go from zero to awkward in .006 seconds.

I just totally yelled at some dude, some days I have balls of steel! - I do have balls of steel, anger issues and whatnot. It's going to kill me someday.

Don’t fuck with me. You mess with the bull you get the horns! Fucker. - Oof, even thinking of the indignant way I said this and made the bull horns with my fingers cracks me the hell up.

My Dad is taunting my Mom with a cat toy. It’s like psychological warfare! Emotional terrorist. LAMO OMG it’s a feather on a stick Mom. Why is that your downfall? It’s like her kryptonite. - Hands down one of the funniest things I have ever and will ever see.

Oh and the band wagon people piss me off. Either believe Harry or don’t. Don’t jump on at the end. Fuckers. - HP kinda makes me nuts, I'm borderline obsessive compulsive after all.

Fucker asses is right! Could barely type that I was laughing/crying so hard. Fucker asses! - Satan is a riot. She coined that jem, all I could do is comment on the brilliance.

Perhaps one more for luck, Master Harry? LMAO. Kreacher, I want him! - HP nuff said.

I want to punch my boss! Right in the ovary. - Sadly this dream is yet to be realized. I have hope though.

I’m pissed I have to be up in five hours and we didn’t even go out and get hammed. And I found a hole in the ass of my pj pants. Fucking kids in china.You don’t get paid forty cents an hour to make shitty clothes. Little bastards. - St. Peter is going to throw a finger in the air and point down while saying "NEXT!"

Apparently, Violent Vomit is a band, good to know right? - I had been ill and I mentioned it to someone, they pulled that out of their asses I think, but it still made me giggle.

I guess you could say I live in the vast cushiony gap between superb and suicidal - so true. - I love that quote, beautific.

Oficially tired. My purse strap hit me on the head when I hung it up in the bathroom. I thought I was being attacked from the sky and tood a defensive positon. I'm ill. - THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED. I really have mental illnesses that only therapy will cure.

Why do the words cow poo make me giggle like a crack addict?- Because I am one.

Yeah in an explosion of explatives... - On how I would like to die, it might actually happen. Sometimes I get myself heated over nothing.

I'm about to strangle my boss, crazy strangled laugh. - These texts happen almost everyday.

Aunt Petunia had often said that Dudley looked like a baby angel. Harry had often said he looked like a pig in a wig. J.K. Rowling - Another one of my favorite quotes..

I'm dying. I want to go home. For realz. These people stress me out. I want to wake up on the floor covered in blood with a knife and no recolection of what happened. Oh and all of the people I hate to be murdered. And to get off on an insanity plea. Then no one will mess with me again. - Delusional, but true. Someday it might actyally happen.

I know! Lol this is us in twenty years minus the penises. (Bill) = MUST POST THIS STORY ONE DAY!

Not sure what happend to my tummy but I just shit a small republic in China. Did we eat last night? God, I think my lean cuisine is coming back for revenge. Sweet Jesus! - No shame.

Holy Mary Mother of God church is long today. I think our pastor had a stroke, he talks slow. Real slow! - In church, like I said, St. Peter...

Lol antidisinstablishmenterinism! - Funniest commercial ever, I knew I should have told him to spell it!

I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine! - This is what happens when I'm tired.

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree, merry merry king of the bush is he, laugh kookaburra, laugh kookaburra, sing a song for me. - Yet again 5 hours of sleep in two days doesn't do a body good.

I just horrified someone. I was laughing and holding my twitching eye. They looked at me, stopped and slowly backed away. A thing of brilliance. - This happened today. I literally made someone fear for their life. I love, love, love it!