green fairy, more like wtf

I will never drink Absinthe and or Ice House again. The combination turned me from a happy drunk into a raving lunatic. This is the story of just that occasion.

A few weeks ago I went over to Nelson and Jase’s house. I’ve been hinting that I’m going to relay this story into print for a while now. I guess I just kind of got over the whole I’m embarrassed thing. Eh, who cares?

I had already had a few before I went over there and was feeling fine. Like Satan says, booze makes everything better. So, so true! Anyway, I got over there and they we’re drinking Absinthe. Which if I’m not mistaken may still be illegal in the U.S., I’ve had it before but only in small doses. They we’re drinking it wrong when I got over there and I corrected them. I had a three small glasses. I’d say shots but it’s not a liquor. Anyway after that I started drinking the bomber cans of Ice House. It was disgustingly delicious, because at that point I couldn’t tell the difference.

After two beers I went out into the living room to watch TV. At this point things got black for my memory but Nelson relayed the whole story to me the day after. I can’t believe the things I did. But unfortunately I do believe him because he pointed out that I apologized like 180 times. A major characteristic when I’ve been drinking.

While on the couch watching there huge television and them sitting in the kitchen watching me, I apparently booped myself for like a half hour. For those of you who don’t know what booping is I feel bad for you because you’re missing out. Anyway, they watched me entertain myself for thirty minutes and then some of them joined me to watch TV. I’m not sure what was on but for some reason I got on a leg kick.

That’s right I talked about legs. And how it’s so weird that we have them, how thighs are weird and how it’s weird that people can walk. I apparently would not shut up about legs. I then proceeded to rub everyone thighs, not in a dirty way, I asked. Rather in a 'isn’t it ironic' way. But none the less Jase made it uncomfortable when he clamped down on my hands and then excused himself for like half an hour. Everyone howled with laughter. I don’t remember any of this.

After that I went back in the kitchen and sat on Nelsons lap and helped him play cards. When I say helped I mean I told him what to do and not subtly. Also I didn’t even know what he was playing so I’m not sure I was being very helpful. He recanted that to me almost crying he was laughing so hard, so I’m guessing I made a teeny bit of an ass out of myself.

Apparently after that I locked myself in the bathroom and threw up. I guess I took my pants off at some point also. Don’t know how I got home. All I remember is having a horrible headache the next day and not having any underwear on. I know for a fact that I went over there with some, that’ll be a mystery that will haunt me forever.

And some time after that I cried and said "I want my Daddy!" I sort of don't believe the Daddy thing, but I'm sure I cried. Then I begged Nelson to take me home. I had driven over there so Jase drove my car back and I drove with Nelson. Jase denied this but Nelson said he refused to drive with me, either he was really embarrased or thought I was a lunatic and would take us off the road. Either way.

I remember vividly sitting in the sun in my grandparent’s back yard telling Satan that I didn’t feel so hot. And that I didn’t remember what had happened. I didn’t even call Nelson until that night because I figured I didn’t want to know. When I heard the story I decided to promise myself that I would never drink Absinthe or Ice House ever again!

And that folks is my Absinthe/Ice House story, don’t say I didn’t warn you…