hump day

Wednesday’s are my long days. I’ve said this many times. I really can’t wait until next semester when my schedule will change and it will no longer be my long day. Until then here is a recount of my day through texts.

6:39 A.M. – The fact that the moon is still out when I’m leaving for school makes me sad. This is bullshit. And I agree on the snooze button thing. I only had a half hour for what I need an hour to do because I couldn’t get my ass out of bed. I’m going to chug my rockstar and hope it kicks in fast. FML.

Satan had text me about hitting her snooze a few too many times. I think I need to super glue mine up so I can’t hit it!

6:46 A.M. - Ah it’s like a sea of brakes lights. I love traffic. I just want to hump it!

Satan had also sent me a text filled with rage about the color red and brake lights. Ah, rage in the morning, there’s nothing like it. Can’t you just hear my text dripping with sarcasm?

6:49 A.M. - Smokey treat. So much better. I instantly calmed down. This will last for three minutes until some dick with a towel on his head cuts me off.

Racist. I’ve never denied it.

6:59 A.M. - That was racist. It was actually a douche in a trailblazer with a popped collar and aviators. Shit went out of style four years ago, but hold onto it. It’ll come back in 20 years, I just know it! I want to see his dead body on my hood. Fucker!

See I even felt bad about the previous text. I repented.

7:08 A.M. – Oh god what do you think a vanity plate PLANDDIT means? I think it’s pop lock and drop it. I hope so anyway. Oof, shit cracked me up!

I really think that’s what it was. It was a huge black Escalade with spinny rims for Christs sake!

7:39 A.M. – I had to bust out the hoodie. I left it in my trunk last night but it’s supposed to be seventy! Too bad they keep it frigid in all of my classes. Oh and who brings all of their makeup to school and does it in the bathroom? Because I came in here to poop in peace and you’re expertly putting on your eye makeup.I hope you can smell me shitting. You deserve it! Ugh!

Yes, I have no shame. I had to go, rockstar does that to me. I can’t help it.

10:20 A.M. – I’m sad that I’m trapped in this basement of hell and I have three hours to go… Plus, my phone gets no reception. Sweet. And now I have two hours to go and I have to pee so bad. Jesus lady can we take a break already? Please? Oh god, DON’T THINK OF RIVERS! Shit too late. Ok, I’m fine. Fuck that no I’m not. OMG OMG OMG SO THIS OLD GUY TRIED TO MAKE HIS EMPTY POP BOTTLE IN THE TRASH AND HIT SOME GIRL SQUARE IN THE HEAD! OH GOD! SO FUCKING FUNNY!

I had no reception so I had to make this a running text, notice how the time changes and my desperation gets worse. I literally had to talk myself out of pissing my pants. Bitch! Then the bottle incident happened. I had to put my head on the desk to stop laughing. It was funny to watch the other peoples horrified faces turn into laughter. I shook and giggled for like three minutes. Needless to say, she let us out on a break after that. The old dude followed that girl everywhere apologizing. I don’t think I’m relating how funny this actually was.

I sent a few more after this, but these I think capture the absurdity that is my life. And that was just Wednesday.