I have the urge to kick an indian in the crotch.
My screensaver is random pictures of Satan and I...
I'm sitting here reading about treaties on indians and there you are impersonating a monkey statue at the zoo. LMAO.
Oh my god. Shit on a shingle and or please kidnap me so I can't take my history midterm! Oh my god! You cant duct tape me and rough me up a bit to make it look more convincing! I wont mind.
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Here are ones I saved... For no apparent reason.
Therapy costs money and the voices in my head can't justify it.
I hope her tit has a stroke. He he he. Diabolical genius.
I'm five. I bought super glue to fix my stylus and all I want to do is glue shit that shouldn't be gluded. Wouldn't a quarter look awesome on my fan blade?
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Can't remember what, but Satan sent me something scary. Scary accurate. Makes me giggle.
That gave me chills.
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Potty humor is my life...
I just farted super loud in the bathroom. I'll be hiding here for a bit.
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To Josh when he asked for my email for the umpteenth time.
Caught you porn handed!
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Driving is bad for my health/sanity...
APPARETNLY IT TAKES THE SORT OF IQ THAT THESE FUCKERS WERE NOT BELSSED WITH THAT WOULD TELL THEM THEY NEED TO USE BLINKERS WHEN THEY MERGE! I WAS ALMOST OBLITERATED BY A FUCKING CHEVROLET TRUCK. I'M THISCLOSE TO A CONNIPTION!
People really shouldn't put those baby on board signs on their vehicles. You think I'm going to drive safer near your spawn? No that sign is screaming target rather than use caution.
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The Truth/Testify!
Dagger eyes don't work on the mentally obtuse.
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Funny Movie/TV Quotes I stole...
I'm sure he'll go to heaven. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe he'll go to heaven. He was a little fucker though. Maybe he went to hell.
Dude, it's not stalking. It's caring enough about someone to learn things they wont tell you themselves.
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Sick in the face fantasies...
I hope a band of rogue mafia chipmunks come with little baseball bats and little brass knuckles and beat the shit out of your ankles and knees you stupid cunt whore who cut me off and slammed her brakes on and then honked at me! I hope they physically and psychologically damaged for life. I hope they beat you like you owe them money and interest!
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Observations on life, Capitan Obvious
Somehow a tanning place called Tangerine Dreams sounds wrong.
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Angry at bike riders...
YOU ARE A BIKE! YOUR NOT A CAR! BECAUSE WE BOTH KNOW THAT I'VE GOT LIKE THREE THOUSAND POUNDS OF ANGRY METAL THAT WILL JUST RUIN THAT DAY OF YOURS YOU FUCKER!
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Texts to Satan from the infamous Chi-Town 09' Trip... From Hell!
LMAO I almost had Lyndsay talked into a body by hersheys sweatshirt at the candy factory. I'm saddended that I couldn't make that a reality.
LMAO I still have six hours with them. Dead bodies buried in Wisconsin!
Girl crush over.
I'm sitting in the back eating trail mix. I heart awkward silence!!!
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Saved especially for Satan...
Stab it. Hit it with a bat. Push it down some stairs. Throw it off a balcony. I'll think of something.
LOL lil ole baby stabber me.
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Things you see that make you go hee...
And this is why I heart working in Minneapolis. Where else can you see a bum running around with a beer box on his head?
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Justification for studying for finals...
If I make it to Friday I'm buying myself a present. I deserve a pony!
I sure hope there are mutant strong ones because I intend on riding it.
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Lessons that only Nelson can teach...
Life lesson number twelve. You can't puke in a wicker trashcan, it leaks!
Apparently someone threw up in it, the toilet is two inches to the left. He is pissed.
Not sure why I find this so amusing other than the fact that he slipped in it and then screamed like a girl when he figured out what it was. All while I'm on the phone with him.
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My friend Josh works in a very liberal office, his boss brings her cat to work. He loathes/despises/wishes untoward things upon that animal. It might have something to do with the fact that it pisses and shits in his office. ONLY HIS OFFICE as he likes to point out. He said that the cat is a portly destroyer of all things happy. Made me giggle.
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More truth...
If hell is in my future it involves me climbing stairs.
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Stupid things I've done, that I'll admit...
I just tried to answer my iPod.
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