These fucking cunts! I’m enraged right now, weird for me right? Well, today is shit. I’m at the front desk listening to my boss and her boss interview my replacement. I don’t know why that makes me want to run outside grab the first toddler I see throw him under the wheels of a semi while singing the Kookaburra song? It just does.
I’m incised. Upset. Generally pissed the fuck off. Whichever way you slice it I don’t care. I just want to see blood on my windshield or wake up with blood all over me not knowing what happened. Today is the closest I’ve been to that actually happening.
So, I took my lunch and then the shit storm happened. I was talking to Collette, one of the few people I like here. She asked me when my last day was, and I couldn’t answer that question. She said that I should talk to our HR department because that made her nervous. I told her honestly that I am waiting to the other shoe to drop. I am truthfully waiting to get to work tomorrow and not have my computer passwords work, then for someone to escort me out of the building. I think I might have to talk to her when I get in tomorrow a.m. I’m pretty sure she’s gone for the day now.
Anyway, I digress. After I got back from lunch I was a little keyed up. And low and behold there is this girl waiting at the front desk. She is quiet and looks like she’s twelve. She has to be at least eighteen so I’ll write that off as having good genes. As I’m sitting up here my boss comes to get her and tells me to call her boss to the front conference room. Real subtle right? They wouldn’t be having an interview now would they?
At this point I’m not exactly sure why this pisses me off, only because I think they are being shady as fuck. I really bet that tomorrow something goes down. They’ve done this type of thing before. I’m pissed. I wanted to work next week so my paycheck is decent. FUCKERS! LYING BUNCH OF MOO COW HEIFFER BITCHES FROM HELL. FUCK YOU, FUCK YOUR MOM, FUCK YOUR KIDS. I HOPE YOU DIE A PAINFUL AND EXCRUCIATING DEATH INVOLVING RATS AND OR BUGS AND OR SHARKS. YOU DESERVE WORSE. NO GOOD SONSABITCHES.
OOF. WOOSA. OOF. FUCK. I’M PISSED. I CAN’T STOP WRITING IN CAPS.
Ok. I’m still not calm but the caps make my head hurt. I really can’t stand these people. I wish that I could hurt something right now. The best I can do and did was snapping some pencils. Fucking angry. Betrayed almost. They will suffer.
They’re still interviewing her so I’m going to try not to listen anymore, I’m moving on to texts from the last week or so that I’ve saved. I think Satan and I need to combine our blogs and write a book. My life is so comical and ridiculous that I think others would find it entertaining. If nothing else it can serve as a warning to others. Or cheer them up that their lives aren’t as horrible as mine.
I want to murder that fucking bird. Beat it with a shovel until its flat as a pancake! Bastard! – I was sitting in my Grandma’s back yard with the dogs while my Grandpa was getting physical therapy. A blue jay was determined for me to murder it because I was hung-over like a mug. (Side note; never drinking Absinthe and Ice House again!) I saved it because the evil makes me happy.
Oh must remember to write about that night. I’m already starting to forget things and it was pretty funny. Now that I’m over the being embarrassed as fuck part.
I feel like I have a huge booger in my nose, I don’t really but first days are traumatic. – Yes friends, that is the sound of El Diablo being vulnerable. Enjoy it, savor it. It doesn’t happen often. It was my first day of classes and I was talking to Josh. He made me feel better of course. He always does, sigh.
This four texts took place after trying on some new jeans…
Oof, anger. I think I was thinner when I tried these jeans on Sunday.
Oh god, here comes the muffin man.
I’m going to do some lunges or return them. I can’t decide.
Fuck that these bitches are going back. Why can’t they make sweatpant jeans? Ugh.
As you can see I was going through the steps of grieving. Anger, depression, denial, and acceptance. Satan totally had to talk me off of that ledge. I think she heard the hysteria in those texts and decided to call. I was having a moment. Needless to say, they are being returned. I even bought the size down. I could exchange them for the size up but they have mortally offended my soul.
Back to texts… Have you ever had to sit in one of those chairs at school that has the desk attached? The ones that fold down if necessary? I have them in my new Inter Comm. class. Let’s just share a little bit about them.
I sent a picture of the bastards to Satan, attached was this note:
I hate these fucking chairs with a burning unsubsiding god-awful passion. Bullshit.
The anger did not end there, I then sent her this:
This is worse than a ride at Valleyfair. I feel violated. But, thank god I didn’t get one that squeaks like a mouse being ass raped by a machete.
I love my rage. It really says some of the most truly evil and messed up things.
The next text I sent I think speaks for itself, but I’ll let you be the judge:
I’M GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL SOMEONE! TRAFFIC?! I’VE BEEN SITTING HERE FOR LIKE FIFTEEN MINUTES WITHOUT MOVING. WHAT DID GOD GET INTO A CAR ACCIDENT? DID HIS CLOUD STALL? BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE GAWKING LIKE ITS JESUS. THIS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS. WOOSA. I’M ABOUT TO END THIS ALL REAL QUICK. MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently one motherfuckers wasn’t enough. I sent this to Josh and he sent me the funniest thing back. He doesn’t much like traffic either, here’s his reply.
LIKE THE ARCHANGEL HIMSELF DESENDED FROM HIS CLOUD TO THE MIDDLE OF 101 AND STARTED FORGIVING PEOPLE OF ALL THEIR SINS. FUCK!!!
That was merely and excerpt of his rage. He is one funny motherfucker. Shit, I did it again.
They’re giving her the grand tour right now. Fascinating! They hired her, I’m sure they’ll play that we’ll let you know game. They’ll call her tomorrow and let her know that she got it and could she start on Monday. It’s the same thing they did with me. They hired me without waiting for a background check to go through. Can we say against the law?
Ugh, I’m signing off. I’m being watched. LICK MY ASS BITCH!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
rage black out
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
sha-la-la-fuck
I hate the Counting Crows.
Fucking Mr. Jones!
It is stuck in my head, if I sha-la-la-la-la one more time I’m going to hit myself in the face! Eye spasm.
People at work keep asking me why I’m here weird hours and basically I’ve been lying through my teeth. I don’t want to tell anyone. My bosses know, the two people I like here know. But other than that I didn’t want it being a big deal. I hate talking to these people and it would make it harder to do that if they actively searched me out to ask me questions. So lately, I’ve resorted to lying. It’s just easier after all.
Today has been interesting so far. I for some reason can’t keep my lies straight so I accidentally told Heidi that I’m leaving to go back to school. She was the one person I said I wouldn’t tell, not because I hate her or anything. Just because I knew she would freak out, she’s a tad anal/obsessive-compulsive/picky/abrupt/goody two shoed. Surprisingly she was ok with it, I actually waited for her to throw a tantrum. Waited for the wobbling and turning red and yelling. I got nothing. She said she was happy I was getting out of this hell hole. And then the unthinkable happened. She walked over to my desk and put a little green post it on my phone saying “I lied… I’m sad you’re leaving. I’m going to miss you!” I almost fell out of my chair. So unexpected!
My first day of classes were good, a little slow but good. My first class is death and dying. It was ok, there is a hot/yummy/tattooed/angry guy in it that I’m lusting after. That’ll be distracting, sigh. But it does sound like an interesting class, I can’t wait to take general psychology. My math class is taught by a man from Zimbabwe, I can barely understand him. The topic seems easy enough though, like Satan said she taught herself from her textbook. I see that happening a lot in this class. I also think I’m in the top three in that class. Not the sharpest knives in the drawer.
The only bad thing so far is the down time in between. And the parking! Ugh. It’s like tactical warfare to get a spot there. I actually stole someone’s spot, thus I had to sit in my car for like ten so they didn’t come and kill me. Doors locked. Hee.
Today I have my communication class, it’s almost four hours! Oh god, I just thought about that. Yuck. Oh well, one day a week is easy enough though. I get to pick my books up today, five hundred dollars later. I hate paying for things. I do have some homework that’s due on Wednesday so I’m glad I can get them today. I would have gone in there and raised hell. I tend to do that sometimes.
I’m glad I have unlimited texts because yesterday I went a little bit crazy. I was bored and tired so I bothered Satan as well as everyone else I could think of. I don’t discriminate when it comes to annoying people. He he he. One thing that’s good about the whole college thing is the people watching. Some people wear the strangest things. Wear their hair in the funniest ways. And last but not least some of people there are ugly as dirt. I’m sure my next post will be about my pet peeves for school, but other than a girl tripping me with her rolling backpack I was pretty level on the anger yesterday.
Backpacks on wheels? Really? Do you actually have so many books and school supplies you need to put it in a bag and roll it around with you? Are you that worried about the stress carrying that on your back (LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!) is going to do to your shoulders? Because logically pulling it around with you using one arm is going to fatigue your body just as much as wearing it on your back is. Eventually your one arm will get tired so you’ll switch and those muscles will deteriorate. Ha. You deserve it backpack on wheels bitch!
I’m working so hard right now. I really deserve a raise. Oh wait, it’s possibly my last week here. DARN. I’m so sad about that fact. Like real depressed. Torn up from the floor up and whatnot… I just love getting paid to sit here and write my blog. And next I’m going to take a break and eat lunch. I packed my own today, Yum!
I was just spellchecking this and sha-la-la-la made me start singing it again, FML.
I’m also a teeny bit upset right now about my Twilight stickers. I can’t find them. I’m about ready to tear my room apart to find them. I want to put them on my planner and in my folder. I’m five and I want to put stickers on my school shit. Jesus.
Fuck it, I’m going to eat my lunch at 10:48 a.m. I’m starving!
Fucking Mr. Jones!
It is stuck in my head, if I sha-la-la-la-la one more time I’m going to hit myself in the face! Eye spasm.
People at work keep asking me why I’m here weird hours and basically I’ve been lying through my teeth. I don’t want to tell anyone. My bosses know, the two people I like here know. But other than that I didn’t want it being a big deal. I hate talking to these people and it would make it harder to do that if they actively searched me out to ask me questions. So lately, I’ve resorted to lying. It’s just easier after all.
Today has been interesting so far. I for some reason can’t keep my lies straight so I accidentally told Heidi that I’m leaving to go back to school. She was the one person I said I wouldn’t tell, not because I hate her or anything. Just because I knew she would freak out, she’s a tad anal/obsessive-compulsive/picky/abrupt/goody two shoed. Surprisingly she was ok with it, I actually waited for her to throw a tantrum. Waited for the wobbling and turning red and yelling. I got nothing. She said she was happy I was getting out of this hell hole. And then the unthinkable happened. She walked over to my desk and put a little green post it on my phone saying “I lied… I’m sad you’re leaving. I’m going to miss you!” I almost fell out of my chair. So unexpected!
My first day of classes were good, a little slow but good. My first class is death and dying. It was ok, there is a hot/yummy/tattooed/angry guy in it that I’m lusting after. That’ll be distracting, sigh. But it does sound like an interesting class, I can’t wait to take general psychology. My math class is taught by a man from Zimbabwe, I can barely understand him. The topic seems easy enough though, like Satan said she taught herself from her textbook. I see that happening a lot in this class. I also think I’m in the top three in that class. Not the sharpest knives in the drawer.
The only bad thing so far is the down time in between. And the parking! Ugh. It’s like tactical warfare to get a spot there. I actually stole someone’s spot, thus I had to sit in my car for like ten so they didn’t come and kill me. Doors locked. Hee.
Today I have my communication class, it’s almost four hours! Oh god, I just thought about that. Yuck. Oh well, one day a week is easy enough though. I get to pick my books up today, five hundred dollars later. I hate paying for things. I do have some homework that’s due on Wednesday so I’m glad I can get them today. I would have gone in there and raised hell. I tend to do that sometimes.
I’m glad I have unlimited texts because yesterday I went a little bit crazy. I was bored and tired so I bothered Satan as well as everyone else I could think of. I don’t discriminate when it comes to annoying people. He he he. One thing that’s good about the whole college thing is the people watching. Some people wear the strangest things. Wear their hair in the funniest ways. And last but not least some of people there are ugly as dirt. I’m sure my next post will be about my pet peeves for school, but other than a girl tripping me with her rolling backpack I was pretty level on the anger yesterday.
Backpacks on wheels? Really? Do you actually have so many books and school supplies you need to put it in a bag and roll it around with you? Are you that worried about the stress carrying that on your back (LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!) is going to do to your shoulders? Because logically pulling it around with you using one arm is going to fatigue your body just as much as wearing it on your back is. Eventually your one arm will get tired so you’ll switch and those muscles will deteriorate. Ha. You deserve it backpack on wheels bitch!
I’m working so hard right now. I really deserve a raise. Oh wait, it’s possibly my last week here. DARN. I’m so sad about that fact. Like real depressed. Torn up from the floor up and whatnot… I just love getting paid to sit here and write my blog. And next I’m going to take a break and eat lunch. I packed my own today, Yum!
I was just spellchecking this and sha-la-la-la made me start singing it again, FML.
I’m also a teeny bit upset right now about my Twilight stickers. I can’t find them. I’m about ready to tear my room apart to find them. I want to put them on my planner and in my folder. I’m five and I want to put stickers on my school shit. Jesus.
Fuck it, I’m going to eat my lunch at 10:48 a.m. I’m starving!
Friday, August 22, 2008
things i've learned...
I hate email forwards, but the last one I got was actually funny. For the most part. Some of it was sappy and unrealistic but these are the ones I enjoyed.
Things I've Learned:
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for fifteen minutes, after that you'd better have a big dick, wallet, or boobs.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
I've learned we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and sexy a relationship first is, the passion fades, and there better be a lot of money to take it's place!
I thought these we're cute. I especially liked the first one. And this is probably the only time I'll ever post something like this, so enjoy.
Things I've Learned:
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for fifteen minutes, after that you'd better have a big dick, wallet, or boobs.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
I've learned we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and sexy a relationship first is, the passion fades, and there better be a lot of money to take it's place!
I thought these we're cute. I especially liked the first one. And this is probably the only time I'll ever post something like this, so enjoy.
i'm free, free at last
The last two days have been shittacular. I mean that in the deepest sense of the made up word. Oof. My head is throbbing as I type this. I need a drink and a nap. In that order, but more than one drink please. Thanks.
Let’s break it down for you non believers. Yesterday I had my orientation. It was ok, all of the classes I wanted we’re pretty full but I got them. Just not the times or days I wanted. So basically I have classes Mon, Tues and Wed. Psych, English, Math and Interpersonal Communication. Sweet Jesus!
I’m excited that I’m finally starting up again, just not excited about the whole community college thing. You wouldn’t believe how many parents there were there. All of those little bastards look young! I’m an old lady, depressed sob! Sorry, I went off on a tangent there. Back to the parents thing though, good god! I was texting Satan and I said you have to cut the cord sometime. So true!
After orientation I was leaving to get to work and while on the highway my power steering went out. While I was doing seventy! I almost crashed into the cement divider. It was super scary and traumatic! I got the car back into check and made it to a gas station eventually where I bought power steering fluid. Unfortunately for me I couldn’t figure out where to put the damn stuff in. There was no cap that screamed ‘Power Steering Fluid Here Retard’ I even had some random dude look, nothing! I gave up after fighting with my dad on the phone. Apparently, it’s super easy to find. (Except for the fact that he went out to look this morning before I went to work, AND COULDN’T FIND IT! Super easy to find huh? Dick!) When I turned my car back on after the gas station it just started working again. Say it with me “THE FUCK?” I was still terrified to drive it on the highway, but I made it to work.
After “working” for three hours and forty minutes I said goodbye and went home. Except when I got there I had no keys to get in. Sweet, I had to drive over to my Grandma’s house and visit just so I could get in the house. All I wanted to do was do some laundry and go to bed. Perhaps read a bit of Eclipse. But no, I get calls from everyone I didn’t want to talk to. Including Ian, Bryan and Josh. Josh I could have tolerated but I was just in the mood to talk to no one so he was fucked. The Ian thing, really now? Fuck you. We aren’t friends. Don’t call me to see how my Grandpa is doing and how things are going! I don’t want to talk to you anymore. Ugh. I was pissed. Then Bryan started calling. I was like fuck this. I text Satan to tell her I was turning my phone off. (Which I never did) And read my book and passed out. I do remember some of the rage I was and am still feeling. I’ll just share one text I sent with you.
10:06 p.m. – Ok, I just had an extremely shitty day. I just wanted a little piece and quiet to read Eclipse and pass the fuck our. But no! It’s lets see who can make Sam feel like a bigger pile of shit day. Ian, Bryan, Josh. Fuck them all to the hottest pits of hell. I’m fucking done. I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to be dead to them. It’ll be easier. Just not going to talk to them for like ever. STOP FUCKING CALLING ME. I HAVEN’T ANSWERED ONCE! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! ENRAGED.
When I type in all caps, I mean business.
Ugh.
So after that I tried to fall asleep but it was hard considering all I could think of was how to break the news to my boss today. So the two hours I got really didn’t do it for me.
Cut to today. It was horrible. I decided to let my job know that I’m going back to school. Yeah, that starts Monday. It’s Friday. Oops. Needless to say they didn’t take it very well. I got fired. Technically. I have to stay for the next week or two and do as many hours as I can until they can find a replacement. I’m ok with that because that means I’ll be job hunting this weekend. Wish me luck!
In the grand scheme of things I think I’m ok. Because for a part time job I think I have ideal days open. Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I think anyone would want me. I’m awesome after all. I want to find something close to home and that pays at least ten an hour. Any suggestions? Actually, if Satan doesn’t mind I might apply at her place of employment.
Also in that same scheme I DON’T HAVE TO WORK HERE ANYMORE! WOO HOO. It is a bit sad though, I can’t for the life of me figure out why. Sigh.
But that entire means is I’m going to be slacking even more than normal for then next week or two and getting paid to do it. Hee. I’ll do just enough to keep myself from being thrown out the door. Actually if they ok it, I’d like to come back here for the summers. But that will probably never happen.
Side note. A girl that worked here and left is back filling out an application. I think she’ll take probably take my position. What’s funny is she’s a totally weird. She named her daughter after Trinity from the Matrix. That’s taking things a bit too far as far as I’m concerned. Weirdo.
It’s 4:22 p.m. and I’m counting down the minutes. I’m so ready to go home. I have a headache and I made myself nervous all day so my tummy is a teeny bit funky. I just want to go home and take a Motrin, lay out a bottle of water and my PJ’s and go to our spot and get FUCKED UP!
I deserve it god dammit! The last two days have been hell. And I have so much shit to do its ridiculous, school supplies, get my books, pay for my car tabs, check to see if my financial aide came through so I can pay for my books with it instead of my trusty CC and apply for another school loan. I’m going to be super broke for the next couple of months. Or years. Whatever.
Jesus Henry Christ. It’s only been three minutes. Could this day go any slower please?
P.S. I want Twilight folders and school supplies. I’m sick in the face.
Let’s break it down for you non believers. Yesterday I had my orientation. It was ok, all of the classes I wanted we’re pretty full but I got them. Just not the times or days I wanted. So basically I have classes Mon, Tues and Wed. Psych, English, Math and Interpersonal Communication. Sweet Jesus!
I’m excited that I’m finally starting up again, just not excited about the whole community college thing. You wouldn’t believe how many parents there were there. All of those little bastards look young! I’m an old lady, depressed sob! Sorry, I went off on a tangent there. Back to the parents thing though, good god! I was texting Satan and I said you have to cut the cord sometime. So true!
After orientation I was leaving to get to work and while on the highway my power steering went out. While I was doing seventy! I almost crashed into the cement divider. It was super scary and traumatic! I got the car back into check and made it to a gas station eventually where I bought power steering fluid. Unfortunately for me I couldn’t figure out where to put the damn stuff in. There was no cap that screamed ‘Power Steering Fluid Here Retard’ I even had some random dude look, nothing! I gave up after fighting with my dad on the phone. Apparently, it’s super easy to find. (Except for the fact that he went out to look this morning before I went to work, AND COULDN’T FIND IT! Super easy to find huh? Dick!) When I turned my car back on after the gas station it just started working again. Say it with me “THE FUCK?” I was still terrified to drive it on the highway, but I made it to work.
After “working” for three hours and forty minutes I said goodbye and went home. Except when I got there I had no keys to get in. Sweet, I had to drive over to my Grandma’s house and visit just so I could get in the house. All I wanted to do was do some laundry and go to bed. Perhaps read a bit of Eclipse. But no, I get calls from everyone I didn’t want to talk to. Including Ian, Bryan and Josh. Josh I could have tolerated but I was just in the mood to talk to no one so he was fucked. The Ian thing, really now? Fuck you. We aren’t friends. Don’t call me to see how my Grandpa is doing and how things are going! I don’t want to talk to you anymore. Ugh. I was pissed. Then Bryan started calling. I was like fuck this. I text Satan to tell her I was turning my phone off. (Which I never did) And read my book and passed out. I do remember some of the rage I was and am still feeling. I’ll just share one text I sent with you.
10:06 p.m. – Ok, I just had an extremely shitty day. I just wanted a little piece and quiet to read Eclipse and pass the fuck our. But no! It’s lets see who can make Sam feel like a bigger pile of shit day. Ian, Bryan, Josh. Fuck them all to the hottest pits of hell. I’m fucking done. I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to be dead to them. It’ll be easier. Just not going to talk to them for like ever. STOP FUCKING CALLING ME. I HAVEN’T ANSWERED ONCE! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! ENRAGED.
When I type in all caps, I mean business.
Ugh.
So after that I tried to fall asleep but it was hard considering all I could think of was how to break the news to my boss today. So the two hours I got really didn’t do it for me.
Cut to today. It was horrible. I decided to let my job know that I’m going back to school. Yeah, that starts Monday. It’s Friday. Oops. Needless to say they didn’t take it very well. I got fired. Technically. I have to stay for the next week or two and do as many hours as I can until they can find a replacement. I’m ok with that because that means I’ll be job hunting this weekend. Wish me luck!
In the grand scheme of things I think I’m ok. Because for a part time job I think I have ideal days open. Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I think anyone would want me. I’m awesome after all. I want to find something close to home and that pays at least ten an hour. Any suggestions? Actually, if Satan doesn’t mind I might apply at her place of employment.
Also in that same scheme I DON’T HAVE TO WORK HERE ANYMORE! WOO HOO. It is a bit sad though, I can’t for the life of me figure out why. Sigh.
But that entire means is I’m going to be slacking even more than normal for then next week or two and getting paid to do it. Hee. I’ll do just enough to keep myself from being thrown out the door. Actually if they ok it, I’d like to come back here for the summers. But that will probably never happen.
Side note. A girl that worked here and left is back filling out an application. I think she’ll take probably take my position. What’s funny is she’s a totally weird. She named her daughter after Trinity from the Matrix. That’s taking things a bit too far as far as I’m concerned. Weirdo.
It’s 4:22 p.m. and I’m counting down the minutes. I’m so ready to go home. I have a headache and I made myself nervous all day so my tummy is a teeny bit funky. I just want to go home and take a Motrin, lay out a bottle of water and my PJ’s and go to our spot and get FUCKED UP!
I deserve it god dammit! The last two days have been hell. And I have so much shit to do its ridiculous, school supplies, get my books, pay for my car tabs, check to see if my financial aide came through so I can pay for my books with it instead of my trusty CC and apply for another school loan. I’m going to be super broke for the next couple of months. Or years. Whatever.
Jesus Henry Christ. It’s only been three minutes. Could this day go any slower please?
P.S. I want Twilight folders and school supplies. I’m sick in the face.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
centipede attack and other thoughts
As I type this SFB is ensconced in the conference room with my boss. Hopefully being reamed the fuck out. Stupid cunt deserves it. So besides being “sick” all the time she’s been mouthing off too. She tried to tell my boss that she was taking today, Thursday and Friday off. Apparently she didn’t ask for it in enough time. So sad!
I actually hope that they fire her. Or at least cut her hours. With me possibly leaving next week it would leave them with a shit storm to clean up. They would be screwed. Do it!
I’m having a leisurely day today. So far I’ve surfed the web, ate lunch and hid in the bathroom. I really am not in the mood to work today. I have so much shit to do tomorrow that I’m just trying to take it easy for the rest of my shift. Twelve hours is enough to drive a person out of their minds here. This is day two of the twelve hour shifts. I’m also going to have to pull a twelve on Friday too. Dreading it.
Tomorrow I have to get up early and go to US Bank to see about school loans. I can’t figure the online shit out and it would be nice to do a face to face with someone. Then I have to go and visit my Grandpa in the hospital. He’s having knee surgery and he’ll be in there for 3-5 days they say. I’m actually waiting right now to hear how it went. I would have loved to be there today but these people wont allow it. Bastards! And after all of that I have to go my orientation for school. Then back to work for four hours. I probably will die of exhaustion at some point but what can I do. Ugh.
I don’t have any plans for this weekend. I’m just hoping to make it through this week. Hopefully my weekend will include Satan and booze at our spot. Then the rest I couldn’t care less about. I want to sit on my ass as much as possible. I really want to go see Hellboy 2, but the only one who’ll agree to see it is Bryan and I’m not going there.
One of the toxic trio called me today, he remembered that I mentioned that my Grandpa was having surgery and wanted to see how I was doing. I really don’t even remember telling him so I’m confused. I think I mentioned it in an email like two months ago. Maybe he was just lucky on the date. It could just be a coincidence or he called and talked to my parents again. I hope it’s the first one. He really needs to get the fuck out of my life.
Josh called me today too, him I don’t mind. I actually called him the other night when I was having a panic attack about a bug. I’m going to tell that story here next. He got the voicemail I left him. Apparently I was crying and hysterical in it. I’m going to deny that. But my point of the bug trying to kill me was received.
He is having phone issues (who isn’t by the way? Satan better get her new phone tomorrow!) and didn’t get my message until this morning. Rude. He laughed all the way through the first voicemail he left and then got indignant in the second one because it cut him off. He thinks I need to see a therapist about my bug phobia. I think I need to see an exterminator!
These are actual texts I sent – I really don’t think my normal interpretation is necessary.
Sunday 2:46 a.m. There was a huge centipede in my room! It better be gone when I get back. Oh god. Eww eww eww eww eww eww! Make it stop. Gag!
I left and went to hang out with Bryan. (Read had sex on Jase’s bed three times.) When I got back it was gone and I happily passed out.
All was quiet until…
Sunday 10:15 p.m. OMG OMG OMG THAT FUCKING CENTIPEDE IS STALKING ME! MOTHERFUCKER IS BACK! I’M FREAKING OUT.
Sunday 10:17 p.m. OH GOD IT’S ALIVE I DIDN’T KILL IT! IT FELL IN MY BED AND I CAN’T FIND IT. OH GOD!
Sunday 10:20 p.m. I’LL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!
Sunday 10:33 p.m. I bet it sleeps in my hair. It’s warm there. Actual tears. OMG. I’m sleeping in the car.
Sunday 11:06 p.m. It’s going to crawl into my mouth when I’m sleeping! I just know it. Oh god. I can’t sleep!
Some say that I’m dramatic and have irrational fears. I say FUCK YOU! Do you want to know how I found out it was back? I heard that thing scuttling on the wall. I heard it before I saw it. I’m so thoroughly disgusted right now. Heebie-jeebies. Gag!
The centipede remains at large.
Let’s move on to happier thoughts, shall we? I just called my Dad and he said my Grandpa is awake already and asking for food and generally just being unruly like normal. I’m relieved. I know that it was just knee surgery but when you’re older putting you under for surgery can be dangerous. I’m going into the medical profession, I know these things. So there was always that fear that he wouldn’t wake up. Sniff. I love my Grandpa, he swears like a sailor when angry and that’s where I got my anger. I don’t want him to die.
Jesus, I thought I was going on to happier things, Debbie Downer much!
Ok, well I don’t really know what else to chat about. I’ve emptied the black soul I have today. I just want to smoke and harm small children.
(P.S. Why do I feel like when I type these things it’ll come back to haunt me? Must never give into the urge!)
I actually hope that they fire her. Or at least cut her hours. With me possibly leaving next week it would leave them with a shit storm to clean up. They would be screwed. Do it!
I’m having a leisurely day today. So far I’ve surfed the web, ate lunch and hid in the bathroom. I really am not in the mood to work today. I have so much shit to do tomorrow that I’m just trying to take it easy for the rest of my shift. Twelve hours is enough to drive a person out of their minds here. This is day two of the twelve hour shifts. I’m also going to have to pull a twelve on Friday too. Dreading it.
Tomorrow I have to get up early and go to US Bank to see about school loans. I can’t figure the online shit out and it would be nice to do a face to face with someone. Then I have to go and visit my Grandpa in the hospital. He’s having knee surgery and he’ll be in there for 3-5 days they say. I’m actually waiting right now to hear how it went. I would have loved to be there today but these people wont allow it. Bastards! And after all of that I have to go my orientation for school. Then back to work for four hours. I probably will die of exhaustion at some point but what can I do. Ugh.
I don’t have any plans for this weekend. I’m just hoping to make it through this week. Hopefully my weekend will include Satan and booze at our spot. Then the rest I couldn’t care less about. I want to sit on my ass as much as possible. I really want to go see Hellboy 2, but the only one who’ll agree to see it is Bryan and I’m not going there.
One of the toxic trio called me today, he remembered that I mentioned that my Grandpa was having surgery and wanted to see how I was doing. I really don’t even remember telling him so I’m confused. I think I mentioned it in an email like two months ago. Maybe he was just lucky on the date. It could just be a coincidence or he called and talked to my parents again. I hope it’s the first one. He really needs to get the fuck out of my life.
Josh called me today too, him I don’t mind. I actually called him the other night when I was having a panic attack about a bug. I’m going to tell that story here next. He got the voicemail I left him. Apparently I was crying and hysterical in it. I’m going to deny that. But my point of the bug trying to kill me was received.
He is having phone issues (who isn’t by the way? Satan better get her new phone tomorrow!) and didn’t get my message until this morning. Rude. He laughed all the way through the first voicemail he left and then got indignant in the second one because it cut him off. He thinks I need to see a therapist about my bug phobia. I think I need to see an exterminator!
These are actual texts I sent – I really don’t think my normal interpretation is necessary.
Sunday 2:46 a.m. There was a huge centipede in my room! It better be gone when I get back. Oh god. Eww eww eww eww eww eww! Make it stop. Gag!
I left and went to hang out with Bryan. (Read had sex on Jase’s bed three times.) When I got back it was gone and I happily passed out.
All was quiet until…
Sunday 10:15 p.m. OMG OMG OMG THAT FUCKING CENTIPEDE IS STALKING ME! MOTHERFUCKER IS BACK! I’M FREAKING OUT.
Sunday 10:17 p.m. OH GOD IT’S ALIVE I DIDN’T KILL IT! IT FELL IN MY BED AND I CAN’T FIND IT. OH GOD!
Sunday 10:20 p.m. I’LL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!
Sunday 10:33 p.m. I bet it sleeps in my hair. It’s warm there. Actual tears. OMG. I’m sleeping in the car.
Sunday 11:06 p.m. It’s going to crawl into my mouth when I’m sleeping! I just know it. Oh god. I can’t sleep!
Some say that I’m dramatic and have irrational fears. I say FUCK YOU! Do you want to know how I found out it was back? I heard that thing scuttling on the wall. I heard it before I saw it. I’m so thoroughly disgusted right now. Heebie-jeebies. Gag!
The centipede remains at large.
Let’s move on to happier thoughts, shall we? I just called my Dad and he said my Grandpa is awake already and asking for food and generally just being unruly like normal. I’m relieved. I know that it was just knee surgery but when you’re older putting you under for surgery can be dangerous. I’m going into the medical profession, I know these things. So there was always that fear that he wouldn’t wake up. Sniff. I love my Grandpa, he swears like a sailor when angry and that’s where I got my anger. I don’t want him to die.
Jesus, I thought I was going on to happier things, Debbie Downer much!
Ok, well I don’t really know what else to chat about. I’ve emptied the black soul I have today. I just want to smoke and harm small children.
(P.S. Why do I feel like when I type these things it’ll come back to haunt me? Must never give into the urge!)
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
bitch went down hard
I just had to mention this really quick, it's one of the funniest things I've seen in a while at work. Today when I was coming back from a smoke break I heard one of the guys who works out in our warehouse singing the new Rhianna song Disturbia. Super loud. In the feyest voice ever. I round the corner and he's prancing/dancing on the rolls of cut carpet singing super loud. I swear to god that motherfucker vogued too! Needless to say after the chorus of bum bum de dum, bum bum be dum he fell, screaming like a girl the whole way down! Oh god, it was the funniest thing ever! I was not the only one to witness this event otherwise I would have blackmailed him for all he's worth. I really need to work on getting my camera phone out faster. I still haven't gotten the giggles out and it's like 3 hours later. Oof. Too fucking funny!
Wilderness Vacation, Hilarity Ensues
I took a little vacation last week. Instead of telling you how it went I'll let you read the texts I sent Satan while I was there... And I'll explain them for you also, because I don't want to give off the wrong impression. i.e. Me being a bitch/psychotic. (Shit, I'm both. Nevermind. Just read on)
I don’t even care I wish I could boop you right now! - Satan and I AND SF#2 went out on Friday and had a few too many. I was going to miss her, thus I wanted to boop her.
You’re my best friend too. Hi, I get stuck with retard in the wilderness. I’m emotional for some reason right now. I want to cry. Ok, I’m fine nevermind. I’m calling you like all the time. It’ll be you and me next Friday at our spot. Then we’re going to perkins. Hooker stench ruined it for us. - Upon exiting our spot Perkins sounded like a fantastic idea but hooker stench SF#2 was tired. Bitch. PS drinking and then talking about our feelings is a bad idea, just don't do it.
Ok now you made me cry. In the dark in my room with SF#2 snoring next to me. OMG so I’ll miss you. Maybe this time apart will be good for us. Fuck that no it wont. Ok, I’ll stop. - I literally had tears in my eyes. I was depressed. How dare my parents invite SF#2!
If anyone told me I put on twenty I’d fucking kill them. - SF#2's boyfriend told her she put on weight, and that it was noticeable. She confessed this after a few. Castrate him is more like it.
Ok, fatty is taking up like all of the bed. I’m pissed. You never take up that much room. Maybe he’s onto something. - Obviously the camaraderie of the weight thing didn't last long. Bitch hogged the whole bed and blankets. Hi! I don't like rubbing up against you all night, you're not my boyfriend and you're nasty.
If she doesn’t turn off that fucking message or turn it down at least I’m going to fucking sodomize her with that phone. - I have the same text notification but hers is like ten times louder. Shit went off 4 times in the dark, I was texting Satan so I couldn't talk but fuck! At least mine was on silent. Sodomize? I'm horrible, you don't even have to say it. I can see that your thinking it.
We’re listening to “real music”, sweet god. I’m going to take this bitch off the road. - Fucking rap crap, I like a few songs here and there. Mostly ones you can dance to drunk but she loves that shit. It got real old real fast.
Listening to Mariah makes me want to snatch this bitch bald. Tone deaf cow. - She really must not be able to hear herself because it is terrible. I know I'm not the best but at least Satan and I harmonize. This bitch would be on the funny episode of Idol with all of the horrible and delusional singers.
I’m literally in Timbucktu. I shit you not. - I'm not sure if it was an actual town but there was a harbor and marina called Timbucktu. I wanted to stop and take a picture but I was following my Dad. And he drives like a maniac.
I just practically made out with my pillow because I spilt beer on it. Classy bitch is what I am. - While reading Twilight. I literally caught myself licking the pillow for more than the necessary amount of time. It was an odd moment. Hilarious actually.
Listening to SF#2 talk to her boyfriend and her dog on speaker phone makes me want to murder her in her sleep. I want to put a pillow on her face. Watch her eyes die! - This I'm pretty sure was day two of six. I already had enough hate in my heart to murder her.
Ok, I just reread that and it was purely evil. This place makes me a bit crazy. Like if I did kill her I could dispose of the body pretty easily. This should be written down for future reference, when we need to get rid of a body or whatnot. - Probably not a good idea to write this one down, but it really was secluded up there. No one would have missed her. He he he. JK.
If one more fucking mosquito bites me on the ass I’m going home. I’m sun burnt in splotches and now I’m constantly itching my ass. I’m a real catch. - We made a bonfire and sat out with the bugs out in full force. I got bites everywhere. Some of them still itch. Look at me try to justify going home on our third day. I just wanted to booze with Satan.
I’m not a bear, I don’t shit in the woods but so help me if my dad doesn’t get out of the bathroom in the next two I will. As god is my witness. - It was horrible, thank god we had indoor plumbing but good god he took forever. I just made it as you'll read next.
I desecrated that bathroom. Small republic in China? More like European nation. And we have no spray. And there was a spider on the sink. I was terrified so I put my legs in the air in case he decided to make a break for it. But didn’t stop, I’m a trooper. - Yes I have no shame. I was terrified of the spider though, made my mom kill it. (See previous posts about the China poop)
I’m a depressed sun burnt Dalmatian. I’m in pain and I’m pissed. I feel the heat radiating off of my splotches. Motherfucker! I need to drink more. - The tops of my feet, the tops of my thighs and splotches on my legs we're burnt. They hurt so bad. It was terrible. I did drink more FYI. It always seems to make things better. It also helped my yahtzee game. I'm the champ PS.
The loons are making me loony. Bullshit birds. Overrated and over glorified pigeons is what they are. And what are pigeons you may ask? Rats with wings. - Those fucking things would not shut up. I even started throwing rocks at them. Our neighbor looked at me funny though and I had to stop. Fucking birds.
Sorry, that was a collection of my rage. SF#2 is stupid. I actually want to kill her right now. Stop following me around! I had to sneak out to text for christ! I’m sitting here alone for the first time in three days. - I had to let Satan know how pissed I was. I had to sneak out for christs sake just for her not to follow me. You're not a dog sunshine, stop acting like one. (Even though you look like one. The bitter never goes away)
I hate it here. I hate SF#2. I hate her loud voice. She and Josh are fighting because she used my parents cell to call him. He thinks she’s cheating. Dude get the fuck over it. PS Breaking Dawn is fucking traumatic. Hi Jacob’s chapters? Too much information alert? Really now? This is stupid and I’m getting indignant. And if SF#2 doesn’t pipe down I’m going to kill her. She is getting on my last exposed nerve. People can hear you for like ten miles. And now she’s asking what I’m typing. MYOB BITCH! I’m going back to the cabin. Hope we survive the storm. Love and miss you homeslice. - That was a mini novel I know. First off, she got into a fight in front of the main lodge where everyone for a four mile radius could hear her. He is insecure as fuck and is constantly questioning her whereabouts. I was upset about Breaking Dawn and I had to get that out. SF#2 talks so loud it was getting to me, eye spasm. The storm was rolling in and I just had to get it all out. Clearly I have issues.
That was bullshit. I paid my money I want my sex scene. UGH. - I'm a consenting adult, I wanted a sex scene in Breaking Dawn. I would have paid extra.
We fit like corresponding pieces? Oh that’s sexy. That’s bullshit. - LMAO if someone ever said that about having sex with me I'd die. How unsexy could you get? I understand that it's a kids book but if you aren't going to describe it then why even mention this. It made me giggle though, in an embarrassed kind of way.
You’re such a patsy? That’s like an Irish thing to say, where would an Indian kid pick that up on a reservation? Dumb. - This was strictly for Satan, don't get her started about the BFF.
LMAO. I didn't want to imagine him inside of her. He he he. Bitter much? - I loved that she said Jacob thinks that. Team Edward bitches!
This is stupid. I don't want to read it! A Midsummer Nights Dream? I'm fucking livid. Get a better plot line! Beyond pissed. I can't stomach Jacob with her. What the hell is wrong with Rosalie? Jesus! - I know it's just a book, but there was nothing else to do so when the book started to take a turn for the ludicrous I was trapped and indignant. Stupid plot.
Ok, I'm sorry. But did Jacob really need to come back for the wedding? I mean come the fuck on. I only get two chapters of happy and then he's back to ruin it. Bitter. - We literally got like five chapters and then were thrust into the Jacob part.
BFF? WTF? - Satan's rage is what was flowing through me, he would not talk like that!
The errors are getting to me. "I'll spell you in a bit"? I'll TELL you in a bit perhaps? Did no one proof read this shit? Jesus! - There we're so many errors I don't even know where to start. It was annoying. I felt like I wanted to fix her mistakes.
Shut up! Oh god. He imprinted on her baby? Jesus. H. Christ. That is fucking ridiculous. I'm beyond bitter and livid. STUPID. STUPID. STUPID. - Obviously I'm a tad obsessed with this series. It'll pass eventually. When something else comes along.
Ok and the whole Jazz and Em thing? Bitch never used nicknames before and now it's all Jazz this and Jazz that. Call him Jasper! - This is another one of those things that if you didn't read the book and or even know who Stephenie Meyer is you'll just not get. Don't worry, read the books. You'll feel better, I promise.
You're right! Chagrin? Get a new word bitch! - I'm guessing that in the four books she wrote she used this word over 30 times. We get it, you like it. Get a fucking thesaurus!
Ok she reads Tennyson? And she's like a little human at three months old? That makes perfect sense. I hate this plot, it's beyond ridiculous. - Ridiculous plot lines... She could have done so much better. I would have waited longer for a better book.
OMFG. Dave? Jesus. H. Christ. I want to kill for you. Oh and if you want to murder someone I volunteer SF#2. That is all. Back to the cabin-o-hell. I can't wait for tomorrow. - Satan ran into her ex at work, not fun. I still volunteer SF#2 for that punishment!
I'm totally driving on those sound strips on the side of the road just to fuck with her nap. Oops sorry! - This marks the way back home, thank god. I was so ready to be rid of her.
That bitch just drank the one and only coke. - I FUCKING ASKED HER IF SHE WANTED A COKE FOR THE RIDE, NO IS THE REPLY I GOT. THEN THE BITCH HAD THE NERVE TO ASK ME IF I STILL WANTED IT AND OR WANTED TO SHARE IT? NO! I WANT IT ALL FOR MYSELF, I'M AN ONLY CHILD AND I'M NOT SPOILED BUT DON'T TOUCH MY FUCKING COKE YOU STUPID CUNT, I WILL CUT YOU! UGH!
Murder! Mayhem! I want to push her out of the car at high speeds! - This was after the coke incident, I still am a tad upset about it.
Because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever. PS you don't know how happy it makes me to be able to call or text whenever I feel like instead of the trek for reception bullshit that is Big Lake Lodge. Bastards. - I'm so happy to be back, that is all.
Hi! Lol I can text my BFF! BFF Forever! - I couldn't resist fucking with Satan. I'm still trying to work that phrase in whenever I can.
Sigh I want to be a bloodsucker BFF. Fucking Stephenie Meyer. Love how she totally mentions tampons in the book. It's a shout out to all of the sickos (me) who were all about the period thing. Yeah I have problems. - It's true. I was curious. So sue me.
That concludes six days trapped in the wilderness with my parents and SF#2. I will never take a vacation with her again. NEVER! But I'm still the yahtzee champion, bitches! He he he.
I don’t even care I wish I could boop you right now! - Satan and I AND SF#2 went out on Friday and had a few too many. I was going to miss her, thus I wanted to boop her.
You’re my best friend too. Hi, I get stuck with retard in the wilderness. I’m emotional for some reason right now. I want to cry. Ok, I’m fine nevermind. I’m calling you like all the time. It’ll be you and me next Friday at our spot. Then we’re going to perkins. Hooker stench ruined it for us. - Upon exiting our spot Perkins sounded like a fantastic idea but hooker stench SF#2 was tired. Bitch. PS drinking and then talking about our feelings is a bad idea, just don't do it.
Ok now you made me cry. In the dark in my room with SF#2 snoring next to me. OMG so I’ll miss you. Maybe this time apart will be good for us. Fuck that no it wont. Ok, I’ll stop. - I literally had tears in my eyes. I was depressed. How dare my parents invite SF#2!
If anyone told me I put on twenty I’d fucking kill them. - SF#2's boyfriend told her she put on weight, and that it was noticeable. She confessed this after a few. Castrate him is more like it.
Ok, fatty is taking up like all of the bed. I’m pissed. You never take up that much room. Maybe he’s onto something. - Obviously the camaraderie of the weight thing didn't last long. Bitch hogged the whole bed and blankets. Hi! I don't like rubbing up against you all night, you're not my boyfriend and you're nasty.
If she doesn’t turn off that fucking message or turn it down at least I’m going to fucking sodomize her with that phone. - I have the same text notification but hers is like ten times louder. Shit went off 4 times in the dark, I was texting Satan so I couldn't talk but fuck! At least mine was on silent. Sodomize? I'm horrible, you don't even have to say it. I can see that your thinking it.
We’re listening to “real music”, sweet god. I’m going to take this bitch off the road. - Fucking rap crap, I like a few songs here and there. Mostly ones you can dance to drunk but she loves that shit. It got real old real fast.
Listening to Mariah makes me want to snatch this bitch bald. Tone deaf cow. - She really must not be able to hear herself because it is terrible. I know I'm not the best but at least Satan and I harmonize. This bitch would be on the funny episode of Idol with all of the horrible and delusional singers.
I’m literally in Timbucktu. I shit you not. - I'm not sure if it was an actual town but there was a harbor and marina called Timbucktu. I wanted to stop and take a picture but I was following my Dad. And he drives like a maniac.
I just practically made out with my pillow because I spilt beer on it. Classy bitch is what I am. - While reading Twilight. I literally caught myself licking the pillow for more than the necessary amount of time. It was an odd moment. Hilarious actually.
Listening to SF#2 talk to her boyfriend and her dog on speaker phone makes me want to murder her in her sleep. I want to put a pillow on her face. Watch her eyes die! - This I'm pretty sure was day two of six. I already had enough hate in my heart to murder her.
Ok, I just reread that and it was purely evil. This place makes me a bit crazy. Like if I did kill her I could dispose of the body pretty easily. This should be written down for future reference, when we need to get rid of a body or whatnot. - Probably not a good idea to write this one down, but it really was secluded up there. No one would have missed her. He he he. JK.
If one more fucking mosquito bites me on the ass I’m going home. I’m sun burnt in splotches and now I’m constantly itching my ass. I’m a real catch. - We made a bonfire and sat out with the bugs out in full force. I got bites everywhere. Some of them still itch. Look at me try to justify going home on our third day. I just wanted to booze with Satan.
I’m not a bear, I don’t shit in the woods but so help me if my dad doesn’t get out of the bathroom in the next two I will. As god is my witness. - It was horrible, thank god we had indoor plumbing but good god he took forever. I just made it as you'll read next.
I desecrated that bathroom. Small republic in China? More like European nation. And we have no spray. And there was a spider on the sink. I was terrified so I put my legs in the air in case he decided to make a break for it. But didn’t stop, I’m a trooper. - Yes I have no shame. I was terrified of the spider though, made my mom kill it. (See previous posts about the China poop)
I’m a depressed sun burnt Dalmatian. I’m in pain and I’m pissed. I feel the heat radiating off of my splotches. Motherfucker! I need to drink more. - The tops of my feet, the tops of my thighs and splotches on my legs we're burnt. They hurt so bad. It was terrible. I did drink more FYI. It always seems to make things better. It also helped my yahtzee game. I'm the champ PS.
The loons are making me loony. Bullshit birds. Overrated and over glorified pigeons is what they are. And what are pigeons you may ask? Rats with wings. - Those fucking things would not shut up. I even started throwing rocks at them. Our neighbor looked at me funny though and I had to stop. Fucking birds.
Sorry, that was a collection of my rage. SF#2 is stupid. I actually want to kill her right now. Stop following me around! I had to sneak out to text for christ! I’m sitting here alone for the first time in three days. - I had to let Satan know how pissed I was. I had to sneak out for christs sake just for her not to follow me. You're not a dog sunshine, stop acting like one. (Even though you look like one. The bitter never goes away)
I hate it here. I hate SF#2. I hate her loud voice. She and Josh are fighting because she used my parents cell to call him. He thinks she’s cheating. Dude get the fuck over it. PS Breaking Dawn is fucking traumatic. Hi Jacob’s chapters? Too much information alert? Really now? This is stupid and I’m getting indignant. And if SF#2 doesn’t pipe down I’m going to kill her. She is getting on my last exposed nerve. People can hear you for like ten miles. And now she’s asking what I’m typing. MYOB BITCH! I’m going back to the cabin. Hope we survive the storm. Love and miss you homeslice. - That was a mini novel I know. First off, she got into a fight in front of the main lodge where everyone for a four mile radius could hear her. He is insecure as fuck and is constantly questioning her whereabouts. I was upset about Breaking Dawn and I had to get that out. SF#2 talks so loud it was getting to me, eye spasm. The storm was rolling in and I just had to get it all out. Clearly I have issues.
That was bullshit. I paid my money I want my sex scene. UGH. - I'm a consenting adult, I wanted a sex scene in Breaking Dawn. I would have paid extra.
We fit like corresponding pieces? Oh that’s sexy. That’s bullshit. - LMAO if someone ever said that about having sex with me I'd die. How unsexy could you get? I understand that it's a kids book but if you aren't going to describe it then why even mention this. It made me giggle though, in an embarrassed kind of way.
You’re such a patsy? That’s like an Irish thing to say, where would an Indian kid pick that up on a reservation? Dumb. - This was strictly for Satan, don't get her started about the BFF.
LMAO. I didn't want to imagine him inside of her. He he he. Bitter much? - I loved that she said Jacob thinks that. Team Edward bitches!
This is stupid. I don't want to read it! A Midsummer Nights Dream? I'm fucking livid. Get a better plot line! Beyond pissed. I can't stomach Jacob with her. What the hell is wrong with Rosalie? Jesus! - I know it's just a book, but there was nothing else to do so when the book started to take a turn for the ludicrous I was trapped and indignant. Stupid plot.
Ok, I'm sorry. But did Jacob really need to come back for the wedding? I mean come the fuck on. I only get two chapters of happy and then he's back to ruin it. Bitter. - We literally got like five chapters and then were thrust into the Jacob part.
BFF? WTF? - Satan's rage is what was flowing through me, he would not talk like that!
The errors are getting to me. "I'll spell you in a bit"? I'll TELL you in a bit perhaps? Did no one proof read this shit? Jesus! - There we're so many errors I don't even know where to start. It was annoying. I felt like I wanted to fix her mistakes.
Shut up! Oh god. He imprinted on her baby? Jesus. H. Christ. That is fucking ridiculous. I'm beyond bitter and livid. STUPID. STUPID. STUPID. - Obviously I'm a tad obsessed with this series. It'll pass eventually. When something else comes along.
Ok and the whole Jazz and Em thing? Bitch never used nicknames before and now it's all Jazz this and Jazz that. Call him Jasper! - This is another one of those things that if you didn't read the book and or even know who Stephenie Meyer is you'll just not get. Don't worry, read the books. You'll feel better, I promise.
You're right! Chagrin? Get a new word bitch! - I'm guessing that in the four books she wrote she used this word over 30 times. We get it, you like it. Get a fucking thesaurus!
Ok she reads Tennyson? And she's like a little human at three months old? That makes perfect sense. I hate this plot, it's beyond ridiculous. - Ridiculous plot lines... She could have done so much better. I would have waited longer for a better book.
OMFG. Dave? Jesus. H. Christ. I want to kill for you. Oh and if you want to murder someone I volunteer SF#2. That is all. Back to the cabin-o-hell. I can't wait for tomorrow. - Satan ran into her ex at work, not fun. I still volunteer SF#2 for that punishment!
I'm totally driving on those sound strips on the side of the road just to fuck with her nap. Oops sorry! - This marks the way back home, thank god. I was so ready to be rid of her.
That bitch just drank the one and only coke. - I FUCKING ASKED HER IF SHE WANTED A COKE FOR THE RIDE, NO IS THE REPLY I GOT. THEN THE BITCH HAD THE NERVE TO ASK ME IF I STILL WANTED IT AND OR WANTED TO SHARE IT? NO! I WANT IT ALL FOR MYSELF, I'M AN ONLY CHILD AND I'M NOT SPOILED BUT DON'T TOUCH MY FUCKING COKE YOU STUPID CUNT, I WILL CUT YOU! UGH!
Murder! Mayhem! I want to push her out of the car at high speeds! - This was after the coke incident, I still am a tad upset about it.
Because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever. PS you don't know how happy it makes me to be able to call or text whenever I feel like instead of the trek for reception bullshit that is Big Lake Lodge. Bastards. - I'm so happy to be back, that is all.
Hi! Lol I can text my BFF! BFF Forever! - I couldn't resist fucking with Satan. I'm still trying to work that phrase in whenever I can.
Sigh I want to be a bloodsucker BFF. Fucking Stephenie Meyer. Love how she totally mentions tampons in the book. It's a shout out to all of the sickos (me) who were all about the period thing. Yeah I have problems. - It's true. I was curious. So sue me.
That concludes six days trapped in the wilderness with my parents and SF#2. I will never take a vacation with her again. NEVER! But I'm still the yahtzee champion, bitches! He he he.
Friday, August 8, 2008
ode to satan / farewell / angry
1 hour 37 minutes and counting…
I know bitching about a three and a half hour shift may seem ridiculous, but I’m doing it anyway. I’m fucking tired. I got maybe an hour of sleep and I now have a headache and I’m a teeny bit irritable. Weird right?
I’m going on vacation as of tomorrow and I’m excited/sad about the whole affair. First off I’m pumped to sit on my ass in the sun to drink and read for six days but at the same time it’s all so bittersweet because it’ll be without Satan. Literally the first vacation in the past two years that I’ve taken without her! San Francisco, sniff… Sorry, reminiscing. Ok, I’m back. Yeah, I don’t care how long I have to drive daily I will find a signal and call her. I can’t make it with SF#2 for six days alone.
I feel like a lot of my time will be spent out in the wilderness swearing, stumbling, smoking and looking for a signal.
Side Note... My eye just did the twitchy/cock thing when I heard our IT Guy shoot his Nerf gun. It’s like a machine gun filled with rubber bullets. If he ever so much as points that thing at me I will castrate him and make him wish he was never born. Not necessarily in that order. Fucker. God that pissed me off.
Today will be interesting; I still have to run a whole bunch of errands and pack. I’m notorious for forgetting stupid things, so I’m hoping I have everything. I for sure need to bring my copy of Breaking Dawn. Although I’m not exactly thrilled about that one, I’m hearing things I don’t want to know about it. I just have to get it over with though.
Ok, could the sun be any fucking brighter today? I have to sit up front and the reflection off cars is blinding. I’m almost hiding behind the computer so I can not be hit every six seconds. Jesus. Dick.
(Did I just call the sun a dick? I’m mentally ill…)
Tonight we’re going to our spot for boozy treats, I’m amped. I need one right now. Seriously, a fucking screwdriver sounds amazing. Yum, a bloody mary? I’ll stop; I’m getting myself all sorts of shades of excited.
While writing this blog I’m trying to be sneaky and look for a cd/mp3 combo player for up at the cabin at target.com. I can’t find anything under sixty and I’m bitter. I’m not asking for the world people! I don’t need a clock or eight speaker surround sound, just a cheap one that will end up in my bathroom when we get back. Ugh, I was thinking of like forty at the most. I’m poor! Shit is going on my CC anyway.
That search was fruitless.
Ok, people get over it now please! I’m here early, does everyone that walks by need to comment on it? That’s everyone so far. I get it, it’s not normal. I’m so sorry to have ruined your routine. Shut the fuck up, kay thanks!
I’m getting ornery. These people bother me on a very distinct level.
I need caffeine. But at the same time no I don’t, I want to take a nap when I get home not sit there and jiggle my knee until it breaks free of the tendons. But it sounds delightful right now, did I mention delightful? Sigh.
I can no longer work, thus I just tossed all of the notes that I get daily in the recycle. At this point I don’t really care. There is nothing I can do about them anyway in the next hour and I really don’t want to see them next Friday when I get back. I’d much rather have someone else deal with them while I’m gone.
Its someone else’s turn. It’s been hell for the last two weeks, there are only three of us who work in my department and we’ve all scheduled our vacations for the last three weeks. First it was Heidi off, so Anissa and I had to deal with all of her issues and her hidden shit. Anissa is off this week, and we’re so far behind it’s not funny. And finally me! I’ve had two weeks of bullshit. I deserve this vacation.
I’d love to sit here for another hour and bitch, but I should probably post this now.
On a more personal note:
I’ll miss you Satan. Whenever you’re sad and depressed just remember I’m in the wilderness being eaten alive by bugs, pissed off and worked up over Breaking Dawn, trying my hardest not to strangle SF#2, and generally just missing you too. Text often!
Hugs and kisses,
(but not in a creepy way)
El Diablo
P.S. If you kill bitchy kitty make it look like a suicide… he he he.
I know bitching about a three and a half hour shift may seem ridiculous, but I’m doing it anyway. I’m fucking tired. I got maybe an hour of sleep and I now have a headache and I’m a teeny bit irritable. Weird right?
I’m going on vacation as of tomorrow and I’m excited/sad about the whole affair. First off I’m pumped to sit on my ass in the sun to drink and read for six days but at the same time it’s all so bittersweet because it’ll be without Satan. Literally the first vacation in the past two years that I’ve taken without her! San Francisco, sniff… Sorry, reminiscing. Ok, I’m back. Yeah, I don’t care how long I have to drive daily I will find a signal and call her. I can’t make it with SF#2 for six days alone.
I feel like a lot of my time will be spent out in the wilderness swearing, stumbling, smoking and looking for a signal.
Side Note... My eye just did the twitchy/cock thing when I heard our IT Guy shoot his Nerf gun. It’s like a machine gun filled with rubber bullets. If he ever so much as points that thing at me I will castrate him and make him wish he was never born. Not necessarily in that order. Fucker. God that pissed me off.
Today will be interesting; I still have to run a whole bunch of errands and pack. I’m notorious for forgetting stupid things, so I’m hoping I have everything. I for sure need to bring my copy of Breaking Dawn. Although I’m not exactly thrilled about that one, I’m hearing things I don’t want to know about it. I just have to get it over with though.
Ok, could the sun be any fucking brighter today? I have to sit up front and the reflection off cars is blinding. I’m almost hiding behind the computer so I can not be hit every six seconds. Jesus. Dick.
(Did I just call the sun a dick? I’m mentally ill…)
Tonight we’re going to our spot for boozy treats, I’m amped. I need one right now. Seriously, a fucking screwdriver sounds amazing. Yum, a bloody mary? I’ll stop; I’m getting myself all sorts of shades of excited.
While writing this blog I’m trying to be sneaky and look for a cd/mp3 combo player for up at the cabin at target.com. I can’t find anything under sixty and I’m bitter. I’m not asking for the world people! I don’t need a clock or eight speaker surround sound, just a cheap one that will end up in my bathroom when we get back. Ugh, I was thinking of like forty at the most. I’m poor! Shit is going on my CC anyway.
That search was fruitless.
Ok, people get over it now please! I’m here early, does everyone that walks by need to comment on it? That’s everyone so far. I get it, it’s not normal. I’m so sorry to have ruined your routine. Shut the fuck up, kay thanks!
I’m getting ornery. These people bother me on a very distinct level.
I need caffeine. But at the same time no I don’t, I want to take a nap when I get home not sit there and jiggle my knee until it breaks free of the tendons. But it sounds delightful right now, did I mention delightful? Sigh.
I can no longer work, thus I just tossed all of the notes that I get daily in the recycle. At this point I don’t really care. There is nothing I can do about them anyway in the next hour and I really don’t want to see them next Friday when I get back. I’d much rather have someone else deal with them while I’m gone.
Its someone else’s turn. It’s been hell for the last two weeks, there are only three of us who work in my department and we’ve all scheduled our vacations for the last three weeks. First it was Heidi off, so Anissa and I had to deal with all of her issues and her hidden shit. Anissa is off this week, and we’re so far behind it’s not funny. And finally me! I’ve had two weeks of bullshit. I deserve this vacation.
I’d love to sit here for another hour and bitch, but I should probably post this now.
On a more personal note:
I’ll miss you Satan. Whenever you’re sad and depressed just remember I’m in the wilderness being eaten alive by bugs, pissed off and worked up over Breaking Dawn, trying my hardest not to strangle SF#2, and generally just missing you too. Text often!
Hugs and kisses,
(but not in a creepy way)
El Diablo
P.S. If you kill bitchy kitty make it look like a suicide… he he he.
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