tantrums and hangover guide

I love when you get in for the day to work and people are salivating to tell you the gossip/tantrum you missed. Those are good days in my book. Today is going to be special. One of our IT guys freaked out on someone because they asked him more than once to do something, plausible. I would have been cranky too, but not when he asked him the first time last week and just reminded him again. Wow. I heard there was yelling that could be heard from the back of the building all the way up to reception. I’m bitter that I missed it. Oh well, another day another tantrum.

After careful deliberation I’ve decided to compile hangover guide chart. Not so much a chart as ratings and descriptions. Because I’m hungover today and I feel its necessary to relay the level of my pain. For future entries too, because I want you to feel it with me!

Stage 1 – Had about 4 or 5 drinks and woke up with a headache and a severe need for caffeine and food… Not that bad but thankful it isn’t worse is usually my reaction to this.

Stage 2 – Possibly had some very strong drinks and woke up to wanting to vomit your lungs out… Not a good way to start the day but doable to be functioning for the rest of the day, plus usually after I vomit I feel better anyway, not all the time though.

Stage 5 Clinger – The worst, wake up vomit and shit and pray for death to take you away. This is usually combined with the Gargoyle and or shitting out a kidney. I usually take these days off to contemplate my funeral and these nights are always filled with the statement “I’m never drinking again!” the next day, but I always do again.

Blackout – Just pray that when you wake up your clothes are still on and your vag doesn’t feel like you tripped and fell onto a hammer accidentally goring yourself. I personally haven’t felt like this but I know some girls who have. I have had a few mornings waking up wondering where my pants are but I don’t remember so much! That’s probably a really good thing.

Today is Stage 1. I had a few last night with our male counterparts Colin and Chris. And obviously they didn't care as much about us as we did them. Maybe they meet girls all the time that are just like them. We don't thus we can remember their names. I on the other hand am now Christina? WTF. Rude. Oh well, at least we have a new line "you know you have a dick!". Shit cracked me up... Joe is a tiny man who is indignant, and apparently had a lot of money. That's fine, buy me drinks. I'm a ok with that.

Satan called me today and left me the most rageful and hateful message about traffic. I was spinning in bed but that shit still make me cry laughing. I called her back and rambled on for about 4 min. I haven't gotten a reply yet but jesus. Lay off the sauce is what I need to do. Maybe that can be my new motto.

I also am shit tired today because when I got home last night I decided I needed to stay up until 4 am watching a movie. Oh and talk to the toxic trio. Well not all of them but Ian called me. And me being the dumb drunk whore that I am, I answered. And I was doing so well too. Fuck!

For some reason I told him I started blogging. He made fun of me and called it an internet diary. That enraged my shit up. Ass. Oh he also said he could find it and would read it because he know's my IP address. Good luck motherfucker! I haven't posted anything using my computer, just work ones. And yes, I know that I am a diligent hardworking member of my place of employment. But, if they can't figure it out then I don't really feel so bad.

Also I think that I have a crush on one of our customers. I had to call him at the beginning of week to let him know something about his order. I also had to schedule him on Tuesday and he was installed yesterday. Everytime I've had to talk to him he flirts with me so much that I have to end the conversations. He wont talk to anyone else either. He is frigging adorable. I wonder how old he is... Oh and he has a british accent... Yum...

So I wrote this today at work and before I could post it I got an email saying that I can no longer use the internet or make personal phone calls. Like I was in big trouble...

WANNA KNOW WHAT I THINK ABOUT THAT? FUCK YOU! I HAVEN'T WORKED IN OVER A YEAR. I FUCKING HATE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU. BASTARDS. THE RAGE THAT IS FLOWING THROUGH ME RIGHT NOW IS PALPABLE TO A HEART ATTACK. I should calm down. FUCKERS!!!!

GOD DAMN SON OF A BITCHES.

HEFFIER MOO COW FUCKING CUNT BITCH!