Want to know what’s awesome? When you have to sit up front for an hour because the other girl you share your position with wants to go to a meeting. WANTS NOT NEEDS! A meeting so they can plan our holiday party at work. I mean come the fuck on!!!
Meanwhile you’re dying. Fucking WebMD, don’t ever go on there. You will convince yourself you’re dying. I did! So my symptoms include numb hands/fingers, a rash on my knees, thighs, hands, palms, face, feet & elbows, and fever type symptoms.
According to WebMD I have about 40 possible things wrong with me. And then your coworkers get you freaked out by saying you should really go to the doctor… Please don’t get me going. I’ll never stop. I’m a hypochondriac!
I’m getting all hot and bothered. Ok, happy thoughts!
Oh my god. Now my leg is sore/numb. What’s wrong with me? I’m two seconds away from crying, I swear to God.
I HATE HER. I CAN HERE THEM LAUGHING IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM WHILE PLANNING THEIR STUPID FUCKING HOLIDAY PARTY. JESUS HENRY CHIRST! I WILL KILL HER! OH GOD.
Deep breathing.
Why does my esophagus seem to be closing?
Dear God,
Please allow me to live long enough to choke the life out of her eyes! I promise once I’m done with that you can take me. And while were on the subject, is heaven all it’s cracked up to be? Because I have an invitation to the party going on down below, Satan said I would even be put into a position with power. But, I’m holding out for a company car and an extra week of vacation. So let me know a.s.a.p. because I don’t know how much longer I can continue to be nice to people. I am very ill after all, and I have suffered for many years.
Thanks and eternal gratefulness,
El Diablo
P.S. I also really want a pony if that ever works for you…
Sorry, I had to get that out. Just in case, you know.
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