Things that have bothered me (so far) today:
Older women who take on the matriarch role at work - I am not your child. You can not tell me what to do in my personal life! You have no business talking to me in any manner other than work related. I really don't give a shit what you think I should be doing with my life. FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING CUNTBAG. Oh and I throw office supplies away to piss you off.
People who assume I am their personal secretary - When I was hired I was lead to believe that I am the receptionist, not your personal assistant! So when you mention that I should make sure you get special treatment it makes me want to shove a stapler up your ass. I am not going to put your mail in your slot at a certain angle or open your envelopes so you don't have to. Nor am I going to make sure you have the conference room scheduled every Thursday. Do it yourself you lazy ASSHOLE. That is all.
Boys getting jealous when other people call - I love when your all in the heat of the moment and then the phone rings. Then it rings again. And again. Until its 6 missed calls and your getting dagger eyes because it was your phone. Listen buddy, I don't know who it was. But, I did play it like it could be this guy I met. Weird, I'm a liar. Thus you pick it up on the seventh call and freak out on the person. Oh and I you growled? Hi! Are you a predatory animal? No. So knock it off. I would have been pissed if you hadn't looked so hot. So technically this one didn't bother me, but I felt for posterity I should add it.
People explaining things to me that are so self explanatory its ridiculous - Get over it yourself you important egotistical arse! You are not my boss. And I'm not a moron, but thanks for making sure that I know how to close that envelope! What would I have done without the wisdom that you just departed on me? The world is a better place with you in it. It truly is.
Music snobs or people who are in a "band" - We get it. You above all have superior musical taste. You should be able to quiz me every time you see I have my iPod on and then critique my choice. If you ask me one more time what I'm listening to I will scream! Not an exasperated sigh but rather the high pitch freak out scream (that Megs did so well when someone threw a snowball at her car - Its a thing of beauty). P.S. Your stupid band sucks, you can't hear the lyrics over the music. They probably suck anyway.
Hooker Nails - The product of a thin layer of nailpolish. The one you mean to take off but forgot. So now you have to look at your disgusting nails all chipped and gross. They're mocking me, I can tell.
Things that make me happy:
Told you I'd do it sooner or later...
Energy Drinks - Heavenly nectar... (I love Finding Nemo, yes I'm 5.)
Going into debt - Shopping. It's just unavoidable. Fucking Target. They totally draw you in. Then leave you feeling used.
Grey's Anatomy - McDreamy, McSteamy. McAwesome. I love it. I could dedicate an entire post to it but I'll leave it alone for now.
Good books - One's that draw you in and keep you up till 3 in the morning because who needs sleep?
Cooking - I love to cook for other people, or teach people how to cook. In my mind I am Martha Fucking Stewart, ok?
Traveling - New places, new people, new experiences, new places to eat and shop. What's not to love?
Music - I'm into everything. Eventually, I'll share some favorites in my posts. Possibly songs that I love. But I'll try to keep the lyrics to a minimum. I know people are unoriginal and can't convey their own emotions and let others lyrics do it for them. Those people make me sad. I would rather sound unintelligent and swear & stutter a lot to get my point across then have someone else do it for me. I mean fuck, come on people!
Funny People - Certain friends who make me laugh like an insane person. I love em to death.
Clear Skin - Pimples make me insane. GAPING FUCKING WOUNDS. Why can't I just have clear skin? I'm 23. I don't need acne. Please clear skin god, smile upon me!
Good haircuts - I need one. I love when I get them. Haven't had one in a while. Cough Cough. Going to hell.
The Office - Hands down funniest shit ever. I could do one liners from that show all day, but I wont. I know I'm annoying and if I start I wont be able to stop. Ok, ok. Just one.... Did you get your tickets to the show? What show? The gun show!
Being a VBP - I strive to do at least one thing a day. And I think it shows. Straight to hell. Is it getting hot in here?
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1 comment:
Haha. I felt your rage troughout the first half of that post. I love work but not nearly as much as you do!!
Oh and thanks for that shout out! I do have one of the best freak out screams I've ever heard... They even surprise me sometimes! Little cock sucking bastard with his snowball... I hope he got hit by a car and can no longer use the lower half of his body... And I hope NOTHING on his lower half is functional if you catch my drift...
VBP. I know.
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