keeping score and texting

Things that probably aren’t a good idea:

Full length leather trench coats (On a man or a woman.)

Parallel parking a 16 foot truck into a 14 foot spot (You can imagine it didn’t go so well.)

Carrying a thermos of coffee, an ipod, a cell phone, purse, keys and a large heavy trash
bag on my slippery driveway (God is never on my side.)

Advertising a room for rent on myspace (Can we say “Murdered in your sleep!”?)

Things that have made me happy today:

Knowing that I made a coworker cry and throw a tantrum for like an hour, and I wasn’t even in for the day yet! Score - Me: 1 Everyone Else: 0

Not falling on my ass or scalding myself with my stupid trek this morning! Me: 2 Everyone Else: -1 (Ha, bitches!)

Having clean underwear, when I haven’t done laundry in over a week! Me: 3 Mom: 0 (I’m going to do something nice for her… Eventually!)

A ham and turkey sangwich with honey dijon mustard! Me: 4 Everyone Else: -2 (When your judging, your not loving!)

So all in all it’s been an ok day. Now that I’ve said this of course it’s on like donkey kong! I’ll probably get shit on for the rest of the day. But, that’s a chance I’m willing to take. Unless it’s choking on this sangwich, that’d prolly piss me of unrelentingly! Oof. That pissed me off imagining it. Fucking sangwich!

The coworker thing was ridiculous today! I got in at 11:20 and by 11:22 the story was related to me. Gossip much people? It wasn’t even my fault. Nor was it A BIG FUCKING DEAL. But if you love fucking attention and threw a fit because of it, more power to you. All I did was scan about 70 pages of work info to another coworker, following her instructions word for word. But I guess the scanner doesn’t do that many pages. No one told me. And I even gave them to her. So she had the hard copies. It makes no sense. She could have just rescanned them herself. But no, she freaked the fuck out. And she’s not talking to me. Ok psycho. Take your medication. Hooker!

But the VBP in me was pissed I didn’t get to see the meltdown. I could have contributed! Saying things like “oh no, you told me that I should do them all at once and now I’ve shredded all of that paperwork! How could you!” That would have been awesome!

So if I can still get the cheaper tickets I think I'm going to go to Seattle in May. Six days of shopping, eating and sight seeing. There's only one catch. Satan is unavailable for travel. I’m really, really, really, really, really sad that Satan can't go with me to Seattle. Like it makes me want to cry. Maybe we'll win the lotto. Or maybe we can rob a bank. Either way. Either way is fine.

I was going through my phone and found a conversation me and Satan had last night, we are really special individuals. And when I say special I mean window lickers. Heres a sample:

Satan: I'm at the gym. I'll call you when I'm done.
EL Diablo: Sweet Chariot!
Satan: What? Lol
EL Diablo: LOL nothing, but Scooterville is having a sale!
Satan: You're special.
EL Diablo: Thanks moonpie!
Satan: You're welcome sugartits!
EL Diablo: LMAO. PUMP IT, PUMP IT!
Satan: Ha Ha Ha! I said that the other day!
EL Diablo: Tis a goodun!
Satan: Fo Sho
EL Diablo: Either way! She looks like a good fucker!
Satan: LMAO I'm fucking sick of you talking about her that way!
EL Diablo: Like a man dick? You think that's a nice to say about someone? The sick thing is I do Evan!'
Satan: Take that vest off. You look like Aladdin.
EL Diablo: I think that lack of sleep made me just shriek like a banshee when a piece of gravel went in my wheel well.
Satan: OMF sick is what you are.
EL Diablo: You don't have the technology or the steady hand to pull of a procedure like that. So Peace!
Satan: You owe me 6 dollars because it busted open and I'm not going to go get it.
EL Diablo: So I have to sit alone and eat my desert like I'm fucking Steven Glandsberg?
Satan: LMAO!! You know what kinds of foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds!
EL Diablo: It was between that and Muhammed. Why the fuck would it be between that and Muhammed? Do you even know anyone named Muhammed? NO.

Fucking eh! I laughed so fucking hard when I was cleaning out my texts! We probably could have gone on and on. We are truly sick in the face. Oh god. I'm rolling now.

So that's it for today. Hopefully no one pisses me off. I'm in the mood to go to jail for some reason...