sea of emotion part 2

This is going to be a random post. There has just been so many little things that I’ve wanted to discuss in the last few days! So here it goes…

I was watching Robots last night and there was a part in there that made me think about my friends… If you’ve never seen it then shame on you, it’s adorable. Fender (played by Robin Williams) says “You consider me a friend?” then Rodney (played by Ewan McGregor) says “Sure. What else would I consider you?” and Fender says “I don’t know. An embarrassment? A way to rebel against your parents? A desperate cry for help? The list is endless.” I loved that. Because the VBP in me strives to be each and every one of those things!

Want to know what freaks me out? So much so, that whenever I see them on TV I have to change the channel immediately! The Blue Man Group. Scary shit. I don’t know why but oh lord do I get nervous when I see them. I think it has something to do with the documentary thing I watched on how they get like that. Essentially, there is this latex head piece and latex gloves. They have to lube their heads up and slip into a big blue head condom. Gag. I can’t even go on. It just bothers the shit out of me.

I watched Knocked Up last night also, I love that movie. The only thing I have a problem with is the Ryan Seacrest bit. He makes me uncomfortable. I know he’s acting his little heart out, but god. Stick to hosting duties. Your eyes creep me out.

Some under used lines from Superbad which I have to work into my everyday vocabulary are:

Now Seth’s got to pick up all the pieces.

Where’s the liquor Danny Ocean? Did you hide it up your butt?

Making your tits smaller? That’s like slapping God in the face for giving you a beautiful gift!

You know one of you bro’s could have sat up front with me. No thanks. We’re fine in the back. Safe.

So are you on MySpace?

I’m essentially best friends with the guy, so a bunch of my friends are coming. We’re going to rock out with our cocks out! Ok, not with our cocks out but we are going to rock out!

I want to bitch slap you so hard!

Bingo bango are we ready to go go?

I know it’s annoying to reiterate that I love that fucking movie all the time. But, I do. I really, really do. Moving on.

Heath Ledger. Wow. I can’t even believe it. I think in our society today it’s such a media and celebrity mad house that we feel we know everything about these people. In reality we don’t but I was still saddened to hear of his death. It really affected me. He was close to my age and I have followed his career for a while now. I’m sure a lot of people feel the same way. It’s just really sad. I kind of want to cry…

I’m in a panic mode right now. My life could dramatically change. I applied to a radiology program very recently, and now there is a tiny possibility that I could get in! When I originally applied for it in September I got a reply in November saying that they didn’t have a program director and would be cancelling their January classes. I was a tiny bit heartbroken. I’ll admit it. I really wanted to get into that specific program because it is the best in the state.

SF#2 applied also. She got a letter last week saying that they found a director and their classes that would have started in January would now be starting in April. Her letter said that only the top 20% of applicants would be getting interviews.

Needless to say she was not in that 20%. Oh, and she could never reapply to that program. (Why does that last part make me giggle?) I didn’t get that letter. So there’s a tiny shot in hell that I might get in. I probably have that same letter waiting at home for me right now, but I can’t deny that I’m a teeny bit hopeful. I would be fucking stoked to get in. I’m not going to talk about it anymore, I might jinx it.

I have heartburn and I swear I’m getting a stomach ulcer from the stress!

They’re letting me off early from work tonight. Sweet! That means I only have to do another 14 hours of no pay. Better to get it done early. I don’t want to be here anymore anyway. I need to go to Walmart… Shopping is very therapeutic for me. I love walking around the store aimlessly… It’s weird, I know.

I’m trying to call the house right now. Some asshole (probably my father) left the phone off the hook. And of course no one is answering the cell phone! Ugh. Why do we even have a house phone or cell phone? I really want to see if I got that same letter.

I’m trying to distract myself right now so let’s talk about Hawaii. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. I miss it. I miss the people. I miss the laid back atmosphere. I miss the weather. I miss the feeling of contentment. I miss the ocean. I miss the smell of the air. I miss everything.

I was thinking I might go back to visit. But, at the same time there are so many memories that I don’t want to relive there. And visiting those people will send me spiraling right back to that. I don’t think I want to go there yet. If I did I wouldn’t visit anyone. I would just go and try to soak some of that life back up. I often think about how miserable things were there, but it was never the island. Just the people who put me through hell, fuckers!

I haven’t talked to Ian or John or Josh in over a month. I seriously think that it’s a personal best for me. No emails, no calls, no texts. Nothing… I’m glad. I need to cut that shit out of my life. Those boys are toxic. But at the same time, me being the dramatic person I am wishes they would reach out. It’s fucking pathetic. It’s a hard cycle to break. I seriously need therapy. I will never be the person I once was. I used to be fucking happy. Now look at me!

Jesus, not knowing about school has brought up some weird topics for me.

FUCKERS! I just tried again. I want to breathe fire. Oof, that might just be the heartburn.

Oh last night I gave myself a new nickname : Le Queen of all Things Dramatic

Pretty good right? I thought it was fitting.

I have stains on my shirt and they’re bothering the shit out of me. I spilled Rockstar on me during my awesome drive to work. Fucking people who brake because I’m too close! Well, maybe you shouldn’t be in the fast lane then. Ugh, I’m getting myself all rilled up. Happy thoughts.

Who are we kidding? The only happy thoughts I have are of boiled babies. I’m sick.

Fucking eh, tried again. They’re probably watching Law and Order and eating tomato soup.

Ok, Mom just called work. She put me on hold…

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UGH!

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NO LETTER! OH GOD. MY TUMMY HURTS! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? AM I IN THE TOP 20%? DID MINE GET LOST IN THE MAIL? OOF, MY HEAD HURTS! OK, WELL I’M TRYING TO REMAIN CALM RIGHT NOW. FROM THE CAPS I THINK THAT YOU CAN TELL IT’S NOT WORKING.

Ok. Calm down. If I don’t get anything in the mail by Friday I think I’m going to call.

I am a sea of emotions right now. I need a drink and a cigarette. My hands are shaking. I’m going to call Satan. Someone needs to calm me down.